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Codependent relationships involve one partner taking responsibility for the other’s happiness, often leading to the repression of their own needs and low self-esteem. The other partner may engage in self-destructive behavior, and the codependent partner will enable it. This pattern often repeats itself in future relationships.
People engaged in codependent relationships may behave in ways specific to their particular situation, but most of these types of relationships have some common characteristics. A person usually feels responsible for the other’s happiness and is forced to take care of him or her; the other uses the situation to get what he wants. The giver will always put the other’s needs before his own, even if it means neglecting personal needs. This partner will usually have low self-esteem and will define their self-worth based on being in a relationship and gaining each other’s approval.
Codependent relationships involve an unequal situation where one partner takes responsibility for ensuring the happiness of the other. These types of people often seek out those in need; in many cases, the other person will engage in self-destructive behavior, such as alcoholism. The first partner will become the other’s guardian, many times allowing the destructive behavior by making excuses or providing resources to continue. Even if the relationship does not involve such behavior, one person will still give everything to satisfy the other person, often feeling compelled to find solutions for themselves and anticipate the person’s needs.
Another feature of codependent relationships is a person’s repression of their own needs in accordance with the needs of the other. These people feel uncomfortable putting themselves first; they are much more comfortable focusing on their partners’ needs. Even if they feel anger or resentment that their needs aren’t being met, they will bury those emotions and put all their energy into pleasing their partners. They also tend to deny that they are in a negative and unfair situation and ignore the pain it is causing them. This often leads them to feel depressed and can lead to self-destructive behavior.
People who constantly care for codependent relationships also often suffer from a lack of self-esteem. They only see themselves as valuable when they are in a relationship, even a negative and destructive one, and they define their lives based on that. They can only feel validated by the love and approval of their partner, who many times won’t or won’t be able to provide it. If they leave their codependent relationships, they will often look for the same type of person again and end up in the same situation.
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