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A condolence note is a brief expression of sympathy for someone who has lost a loved one, while a condolence letter is longer and more personal. They often include expressions of support and memories of the deceased. Handwritten notes are recommended, while email is frowned upon. They can be written on personal paper or attached to gifts.
A condolence note is a brief note or card sent to someone who has lost a loved one to express sympathy and offer condolences. In contrast, a condolence or sympathy letter is a longer written letter that involves more detail and is generally much more personal. Sympathy notes are very popular with people mourning the death of a loved one, and many people keep their condolence notes as supportive reminders from a difficult time.
Several key components are included in a condolence note. The first is the expression of condolences, typically followed by a brief comment about the deceased, such as “I’ve always enjoyed playing bridge with her” or “I was struck by your father’s kindness the first time I met him.” In closing, the sympathy note includes an expression of support such as “you are in our prayers.” Some people like to include quotes about death and dying or references to the religious beliefs of the deceased in a condolence note.
Many people send condolence messages soon after learning of the death of a loved one, and may follow up with a personal condolence phone call or a longer condolence letter. The short nature of sympathy notes makes them appropriate to send to anyone, even someone you don’t know very well. For example, if the mayor of your city passes away, it’s entirely appropriate to send a condolence note to the mayor’s spouse, expressing your appreciation for the mayor’s life and work.
Many companies make sympathy notes, some of which include pre-printed messages. However, etiquette experts generally recommend using a blank card so you can write your own message. Handwritten sympathy notes have the greatest impact on recipients, even if the content of the message is virtually identical to what is found in a pre-printed card, because the handwritten nature demonstrates a desire to go the extra mile. Sending sympathy notes via email is generally frowned upon, as email has a casual, impersonal air that detracts from the genuine expression of sympathy in a sympathy note.
Sympathy notes can also be written on personal paper, assuming the stationery has a reasonably somber theme, and some people like to make their own sympathy note cards, sometimes with a memento of the deceased such as a photograph or example his artwork. Sympathy notes can also be attached to floral arrangements, food gift baskets, and other gifts sent to family to express condolences.
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