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Dating a twin may have unique challenges, especially with identical twins who may have a close relationship that interferes with romantic relationships. Twins need to establish their own identity separate from each other and their parents. However, dating a twin should be viewed no differently than dating a single person, and it’s important to find a good fit. It’s a mistake to assume that identical twins are the same, and every person is an individual.
Dating a twin may or may not be similar to dating someone who was an only child. Sometimes, especially with identical twins, the amount of closeness between twins can interfere with romantic relationships. This isn’t always the case, however, and certainly some singleborn people can have exceptionally close relationships with siblings. There is some evidence to suggest that the closeness between some sets of twins may be even greater and more intimate than that in marriages.
When people have twins or higher order multiples, it is often highly recommended to help each child develop on separate paths, and this can be very important especially in adolescence. In a sense, maturing twins have two roles: establishing an identity separate from their parents, and establishing an identity separate from their twin. This can work best when the twins are fraternal and of opposite sexes. Without encouragement, identical twins are particularly at risk of missing out on this important part of individualization.
Perhaps one thing you should know about dating a twin is that you should view this person as no different than dating a single birthing person. However, you might expect a higher degree of closeness between her twin and brother. If this closeness interferes with a relationship developing on a normal path, it’s possible that the person you’ve chosen to date simply isn’t ready to fully define themselves as an individual. Of course, there are also many born singles who haven’t taken that leap.
In any dating situation, you should ask yourself if the person you are dating is a good fit for you. While you may show some sympathy for intimate sibling relationships, if this closeness is making you personally unhappy, it might be time to find someone else to date. Of course, sometimes twins date twins and there are even twin dating services. In some ways this may be ideal, since other twins can more fully “grasp” the complexity of twin relationships.
It would be wrong, however, to make huge assumptions about what it’s like to date a twin. Some twins, for example, despite being of the same sex, may have different sexual orientations. Other twins didn’t get along as children and don’t have strong sibling relationships.
Some people fear that if they date an identical twin, they will develop feelings for the other twin. Even when people look alike and were raised in the same family, they can be very different people. It’s not likely that you have the same passion for the other twin, especially when you know the person you’re dating.
It can be a mistake to assume that identical twins are this similar, too. Every person, regardless of who else they may be related to, is an individual. There are siblings who are close in age and look a lot alike, but most people don’t find themselves attracted to more than one sibling. The best advice is to not make any assumptions and simply figure out how your dating relationship works or doesn’t work for you.
