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Negative attention can occur between parents and children or romantic partners. Children may seek negative attention when they don’t get enough positive attention, leading to a cycle of misbehavior. Parents can break the cycle by rewarding good behavior and spending positive time with their child. In romantic relationships, one partner may seek negative attention to keep themselves in the other’s focus, which can escalate to verbal or physical abuse. The receiving partner should separate from an abusive partner.
Negative attention usually occurs in two basic situations. The first is when a child misbehaves and is scolded by a parent or guardian. If so, the adult is giving the negative attention and the child is getting it. The second scenario usually occurs between two people in a romantic relationship. This occurs when one party gives and seeks negative attention, usually by engaging in smothering or threatening behavior.
Children often seek out negative attention when they don’t get enough of the positive. While being scolded and punished is usually unpleasant, the child feels validated by this negative reinforcement and may seek out more. This pattern often starts a cycle in which a child’s disobedience and misbehavior escalates because she craves more attention.
Parents and caregivers with children in this cycle are not necessarily “bad parents.” In fact, many people with seriously misbehaving children are good parents with busy schedules or who misunderstand why the child is misbehaving. Even children who behave this way are usually not “bad.” They are simply young people who have found a way to get the attention they crave, even if it is negative.
Those who notice their child is in this cycle can usually train themselves and the child to give and crave negative attention. For example, instead of rewarding bad behavior with a scolding, parents may choose to compliment the child when he or she does well. Small rewards, such as a favorite snack or a small toy given as a surprise, can reinforce good behavior. Parents might also try to look at their schedules and make time for some positive activities to share with the child on a regular basis.
Rewarding good behavior isn’t the only way to end the cycle of negative activity. Even well-behaved children sometimes need discipline, but the key to correction is usually to handle things calmly. Instead of raising your voice, a soft, firm tone is usually effective. When the child starts behaving again, he should be rewarded with positive attention and praise.
The second type of negative attention generally occurs between romantic partners. In these kinds of cases, one partner typically craves recognition and gives their partner negative attention to get it. This behavior can involve incessant phone calls or texts, uncomfortable visits, or arguments. By doing these things, the destructive party is trying to keep itself in the attention of the other partner.
In such situations, the partner receiving the negative attention should separate from the argumentative partner before things escalate. Sometimes, if the disruptive partner feels that the other is not properly focused on him or her, the suffocating focus can shift to verbal abuse and physical threats to get noticed. In cases like this, the receiving partner must protect themselves by separating from an abusive partner.
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