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Children raised in narcissistic families exhibit similar traits to those raised by abusive or substance-dependent parents. These families are characterized by selfishness, competition, poor communication, and a focus on maintaining a positive image. Children may struggle with intimate relationships and pass on these traits to their own children without psychological treatment.
The narcissistic family is a relatively recent development in psychology, when researchers realized that children raised in narcissistic families turned out to be very similar to those children raised by abusive or substance dependent parents, even if the children were never abused or technically abused. In this type of family, interactions between family members are characterized by selfishness and competition; parents are generally more concerned with their own happiness and well-being than with that of their children, and often pit siblings against each other to stimulate competition. Communication in a narcissistic family is often very poor and the unspoken goal is to maintain a happy exterior and make sure that from the outside everything looks perfect.
Every narcissistic family may be slightly different, but these key tenets are generally found in the interactions between family members. One of the most common aspects of this type of family, as discussed above, is the parental drive to keep up appearances. Emotions are generally not expressed at all in this type of family and secrets are kept very close. If children are praised, it’s generally for their accomplishments that other people can see, not necessarily for the kind of people they actually are. The message that children are not good enough is often given in this type of family.
Lack of boundaries is another common problem found in a narcissistic family. Parental roles may not be clearly defined and privacy is often not respected. This is often because parents genuinely don’t care about children’s feelings. Some will actually withhold affection from the child until the child learns to meet the parent’s needs. These are just some of the more common relationship dynamics found in a narcissistic family; often, other people can’t even tell it’s happening, because it’s so hard to pinpoint and pin down, and because the family is so concerned with maintaining a positive image to show to the rest of the world.
Children who come from narcissistic families often display similar traits themselves and eventually pass them on to their own children. They may have difficulty with intimate relationships and display selfishness and poor communication skills in interactions with other people; some suffer from anger issues, low self-esteem, and depression. Without psychological treatment, it is very difficult to break these habits once they have become so deeply ingrained after being raised in this environment.
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