Blended families include children from previous marriages and the current marriage. Adjustments may include changes in privacy and personal space, bonding through shared activities, and confronting the past. Keeping titles optional can help accommodate the new family dynamic.
A blended family includes children from previous marriages and children born during the current marriage. Many people associate an ideal blended family with the American sitcom The Brady Bunch, in which a man with three boys marries a woman with three girls. The half-siblings had to learn to adjust to life within the new dynamic of a new family.
One major adjustment that many children have to make in a blended family is a change in privacy and personal space. A large family may need to live together in a space designed for one spouse’s original family, at least temporarily. If you are a child in such a household, you may be asked to give up part of your room or move to an unfamiliar house. The key is to stay flexible and non-territorial. The room could be divided equally, or bunk beds could be installed for maximum floor space. View the possibility of living with a new half-sibling as an opportunity to bond with a friend, not as a competition for parental attention.
If you are one of the parents of a new blended family, you should understand that these adjustments will take some time. Before allocating rooms for the new family, carefully consider factors such as age, personality, interests, and birth order. Younger half-siblings may adjust well to life together, but older half-siblings may resent the perceived loss of privacy. One parent’s older child may not fit well with the other’s younger child, or aggressive children may not respect more passive half-siblings. Prepare for an unplanned room change as the siblings learn more about each other.
A difficult part of living in a blended family is the inevitable confrontation with the past. Original family members may be reluctant to accept half-siblings at first, as they serve as daily reminders of the present reality. Parents should understand how difficult it can be for children to let go of their past, especially after a divorce or the death of a parent. Playing the role of stepfather can be particularly difficult, since children can honestly claim that one is not their “real” parent. Some experts suggest allowing the children’s original parent to act as a disciplinarian, since the role of a stepfather is already so demanding.
Parents and children living in a blended household often bond through shared activities. It may be up to the parents to initiate the first family outings, but step-siblings should eventually plan their own adventures. Attending sporting events or art shows involving stepchildren is also a good way for new parents to bond. Children in such a family can be very sensitive to apparent favoritism, especially when it applies to original children over stepchildren.
One way to accommodate a blended family is to keep titles like optional stepmother or stepbrother. If you’re a kid and feel a strong bond with your new mother, it should be okay to call her mom, rather than the terribly correct stepmother. The same goes for parents. Many children respond positively when a stepparent introduces them as her children, not as “my husband’s children” or “my stepchildren.”
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