Unmarried couples may face conflicts when visiting family and wanting to share a bedroom. Etiquette suggests guests sleep where they’re told, but some families may be more accepting than others. Same-sex couples may face additional challenges. Couples can consider staying in a hotel or respecting parents’ beliefs by finding alternative accommodations. It is impolite to ask to share a bedroom if it upsets the parents.
When couples are unmarried but cohabiting, debates or disputes may arise when invitations to visit parents or other relatives are issued. Couples may want to share a bedroom during family visits, but may find their desire at odds with their family’s.
From an etiquette perspective, guests generally sleep where they’re told. Usually married partners expect to share a bedroom. However, depending on one’s parents’ ideas of moral behavior, the expectation of using the same bedroom may decrease for the unmarried couple.
For some families, this isn’t a problem. Parents recognize that their children are in a serious relationship and have no problem offering a single room to an unmarried couple. In other circumstances, children recognize that parents would be very uncomfortable with being asked to share a bedroom, and simply don’t expect it. Other grown children would never dream of asking to use the same bedroom with an unmarried partner because the idea of discussing their sex life with their parents is just too nasty to contemplate.
The issue can become more contentious, however, when other issues come into play; when, for example, a couple cannot be married, as in the case of a same-sex couple. In most states, same-sex marriages are not permitted. Even if they are, they may not be acceptable to a couple’s parents. Sometimes the problem of being able to share a bedroom is actually a problem of the adult child who wants the parent to accept her homosexuality.
Instead, if a couple would like to use the same bedroom, and this is indeed a matter of some importance, the couple might consider staying in a hotel or motel while visiting their parents. This can help a family visit be less fraught with conflict.
With both gay and straight unmarried couples, a parent may simply not want a couple to share a bedroom. If the parent has strong moral beliefs against cohabitation, it is probably unwise to expect those beliefs to suddenly dissolve. If parents can be otherwise accepting of their children, there may be no reason to push the issue.
On the other hand, a conflicting parent about the situation may justify short visits and accommodation elsewhere. As for the unmarried couple, most etiquette experts tend to agree that it is impolite to ask to share a bedroom when it would upset the parents or compromise their moral standing. Therefore, respecting parents’ feelings about sleeping places in one’s home is only polite.
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