Disciplining a child in public can be ineffective and embarrassing. It’s better to take them to a private place, or leave the area if necessary. Reminding children of expected behavior beforehand can also help avoid public discipline. Negative comments about a child should not be made in public, and discipline should be kept private with older siblings.
If you work in a large office and arrive late, it would be embarrassing if your boss scolded you for being late in front of the entire office. Although you have to correct your behavior, scolding yourself in front of everyone, the boss acted aggressively and shamefully. The same is true when you discipline your child in front of others. Having an audience watch while you discipline a child adds an extra element to the discipline: You publicly embarrass them. While some behaviors require a parent’s comment, parenting experts often believe it’s best to take your child to a private place to discipline them.
The goal when disciplining your child is to correct a behavior. With distractions, like an audience of friends or strangers at a grocery store, it can be very difficult to actually achieve your goal. The child is likely to focus more on his embarrassment than on the real purpose of the discipline. So it may not only be a shameful way to discipline a child, but also ineffective.
If you’re in a public area, like a grocery store, child development experts suggest leaving the store to minimize distractions. If you’re at the home of a friend or family member, it’s more desirable to find a quiet room where you can discipline yourself. If necessary, if a child is really misbehaving, gets angry, or has been very aggressive towards others, it might be best to take them home. Most experts suggest avoiding arguing with your child on the way home. In fact, driving home and not paying attention to your child when possible can give you a break and time to think about the consequences for the behavior.
It can be helpful with young children to remind them of the behavior you expect when in public. This can help avoid having to discipline your child in public. Before stepping out of the car for a family dinner, you might want to remind them that you expect them not to criticize Aunt Flora’s cooking if they don’t care. If you’re planning a playdate with a kid’s friend, you might remind them that you expect them to share toys and only say nice things. There are a number of rules of conduct in certain settings that may require a reminder or two before actually letting your child loose in the setting.
With very young children, under the age of three or four, you may need to occasionally remind them of things in a public place. On a playdate, if a child isn’t sharing, you might just say, “We share our toys on playdates.” This is not exactly the same as embarrassing the child, but simply reminding him of the rule.
In addition to not remembering to discipline your child in public, you shouldn’t talk negatively about your child in public, and especially in front of him. Saying, “John’s still potty-trained” or “Both of my kids get F’s in school” are statements of shame and a passive-aggressive way of dealing with parenting issues. Similarly, parents who argue or argue about discipline in front of a child undermine authority. If you’re having disputes with a spouse about how they discipline your child, it’s best to keep these conversations private or keep them until after the kids have gone to bed.
Choosing to discipline your child in front of other siblings is also a mixed bag. On the one hand, it can be helpful for other children to see family rules consistently upheld and enforced. However, highly competitive siblings may “gloat” if a sibling gets into trouble. With older children, discipline is best a private matter between you and the child and should not be discussed in front of siblings.
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