Emotional abandonment is when one partner becomes emotionally unavailable to the other, causing confusion and sadness. It can occur in marriages or relationships and can be remedied with counseling if the abandoning partner is committed to healing the relationship. Emotional abandonment can also occur in parent-child relationships, causing significant psychological problems. Couples should seek counseling, but if the abandoning partner refuses, the other partner should consider individual therapy.
In a marriage or relationship, when one partner physically leaves the other, this may be referred to as abandonment, but emotional abandonment is a little different. The partners stay together but one of them moves away from the other emotionally. One partner is suddenly emotionally unavailable to the other partner, creating confusion and sadness because this person is physically there, but shows no interest or support for her partner. The relationship falls apart and there is no sense of closeness when emotional abandonment occurs. This situation can be remedied with couples counseling, but only if the abandoning partner is interested in restoring closeness and is committed to healing the relationship.
Before we continue to talk about emotional abandonment in marriage or in a relationship, it is worth noting that there are other forms of emotional abandonment that are even more serious and harmful. For example, parents may be emotionally unavailable to their children on a regular basis or throughout the child’s lifespan. This creates profound damage to the child, who usually grows up with very little sense of self or self-worth. This abandonment can be partially counteracted if the other parent is involved and interested in the child. Even then, growing up with the knowledge that a mother or father has no interest in the child usually creates significant psychological problems and generates ongoing emotional pain.
In adult relationships, emotional abandonment can be just as painful. The purpose of forming a partnership is to create an environment where two people are interested in each other, supportive of each other, and generally “there” for each other. When a partner withdraws from this environment and suddenly seems uninterested and unsupportive, that person is emotionally abandoning their partner. For the person being abandoned, this can be exceptionally painful. When the couple’s relationship is dysfunctional and one spouse is no longer important to the other, feelings of sadness, anger, and a general sense of abandonment often arise.
The abandoned spouse may feel guilty about a lack of closeness and relationship, and sometimes bad relationships between spouses can lead to abandonment of each other. In other situations, the emotional abandonment has nothing to do with the partner. A spouse’s psychological problems could lead to an inability to maintain closeness, or problems like substance abuse can destroy a relationship. Stress or worry about work or finances can also cause a person to withdraw and be unable to support a partner.
When emotional abandonment occurs, couples should seek counseling. If the abandoning partner refuses to go, the other partner is advised to get individual therapy. Evaluating the choices available to the emotionally abandoned partner is still important, and sometimes, the emotionally unconnected partner changes their mind about getting counseling. Not all marriages or partnerships are saved through therapy, and sometimes the partner who is disconnected refuses to look into ways in which emotional reconnection might occur.
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