Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, but it’s important to understand that the abuse is not your fault. Gather essential documents, money, sentimental items, and medication. Find a safe place to stay and seek counseling. Take legal action to ensure your safety and that of any children involved.
Abusive situations tend to be complicated. People outside of an abusive relationship often think that walking away is an easy process, but that is rarely the case. Often, there are a number of factors that make it difficult, both physically and emotionally, for the abused person to leave. Once you’ve realized that you deserve better, you can prepare for your way out of an abusive situation by finding all of your essential paperwork, making sure you have your sources of money, finding a place to stay, and arranging counseling sessions.
First, understand that the abuse is not your fault. Many people endure abusive situations thinking that if they simply make changes to appease the abuser things will get better. Don’t own the problem. The first step in leaving your abuser is realizing that you are not the cause of the abuse and that you deserve better than to be constantly exposed to physical, verbal and emotional abuse.
So, start gathering the essential documents you’ll need to start a new life. These include identification documents such as a driver’s license and social security card. Also carry any type of relationship-related documents such as birth certificates, marriage certificates or divorce papers with you. If you have medical records for you and any children traveling with you, add them to the list along with proof of insurance coverage.
You often need money to get out of an abusive situation. Take cash, credit cards and jointly shared bank account documents. Remove your name from existing bank accounts and create new ones in your name only as soon as possible. Keep in mind that, over the course of the relationship, you have contributed to the household and are eligible to use those mutual funds.
Carry some items with you that have sentimental value and predate the abusive situations and incidents you are running away from. These can include photos or similar items that take up little space. Memories like these will provide you with a connection to who you were before the hurtful behavior eroded your sense of worth and self-confidence.
If you are taking any medications, make sure you have plenty on hand. A month’s supply will allow you to look after your health while organizing your life. Consider it one less detail you will have to deal with as you enter this new phase of life.
Make preparations for accommodation. You will need a safe place to live while taking care of all the little details that need to be addressed. This may mean staying with friends or family, or even spending some time living in a safe house. The point is to have a place where you can feel protected from any further abuse.
Also schedule counseling after you come out as your emotional state is likely to be fragile at best. Take advantage of the services offered at counseling centers or make arrangements to get counseling from a trusted and qualified clergyman. This is an important step on the path to recovery from abuse.
Above all, get out of an abusive situation as soon as possible. The abuse will not get better no matter how pained the abuser looks after inflicting the pain. Only once you get out of it can you begin to heal physically and emotionally and begin to regain a zest for life. Once out of the abusive situation, take all necessary legal action to ensure your safety and that of the children involved.
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