When it comes to the combat sport known as modern dating, one of the heaviest weapons in the arsenal is the art of flirting. A casual movement of the hair, a burst of laughter at the right moment, or the flash of a smile and the prey is usually in the bag before even realizing they are being pursued. This is the theory behind effective flirting, anyway. Many people receive these non-verbal signals of interest at a subconscious level, but still need to be convinced that all this sudden attention is truly focused on them for a reason. Assuming that flirting is not obvious, however, can also lead to a very long and painful trip back to your table. Therefore, it is important to recognize the signs of true flirting and how to let the pursuer know that you have really received the message.
No matter how much we may try to present ourselves with the confidence of a James Bond or Angelina Jolie, deep down many of us are geeks hoping to meet people who speak our language. The stereotypical “art of pick-up” simply is not part of our dating technique. Therefore, many people in the dating scene must rely on more subtle flirting techniques to let others know of our interest.
One of the oldest flirting techniques is prolonged eye contact. When someone in a crowded room scans your group for signs of life, they will often hold their gaze until you notice them, then quickly look away. Once you have been informed by others that someone is showing interest, then it is your signal to return that eye contact. The moment both your eyes meet is the beginning of the courtship ritual. If that person gives a brief smile or slowly breaks the gaze, then a connection has been established. This is your opportunity to turn innocent flirting into a real conversation starter. If you don’t act quickly, however, the window of opportunity may close.
Another flirtatious gesture is a quick rotation of the hair or touch of the face. Many women tousle their hair or give it a nice twirl as a subtle way to show off their best facial features without seeming too obvious. Some people run their fingers through their hair or repeatedly twirl a strand while actively flirting. Some people will engage in showing off what they consider their most attractive physical feature while flirting. For example, a man may prominently display his masculine hands, while a woman may frame her hands around her exceptionally attractive eyes. The best thing you can do is compliment your new friend on a feature that he or she obviously feels is a strong asset.
Many times a person will consciously or unconsciously touch the other person during a conversation. An affectionate pat on the knee or a prolonged touch of your arm should be received as a sign of romantic interest. Even posture during the first minutes of an encounter can be a telltale sign of flirting. If someone leans in close to hold a private conversation or turns their body away from the crowd towards you, then you should know that they are most likely interested in you. As long as the contact remains comfortable and not manipulative, you should simply go with the flow and enjoy the intimacy of the moment.
Flirting can also involve showing more than a little interest in getting to know you better. If someone you just met laughs at your jokes or asks you more about your life, your career, or your personal interests, then you should seize the opportunity to share a bit of your life with him or her. People who actively flirt often throw words of encouragement into the conversation mix, such as “That’s really awesome!” or “I wish I could do something that exciting!” Other people may show polite interest, but a person who is truly interested in getting to know you better will ask questions or find other ways to keep the conversation alive.
In short, be open to all the subtle signs that an interested person sends at the beginning of the dating ritual. Flirting is a subtle art, so let things flow naturally and at their own pace. However, the dance can only bring the fish onto the hook, so to speak, so it is up to you to decide how to reel it in.
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