Breaking up is difficult, but it’s important to be direct and avoid clichés. Let the other person know that the relationship is over and that you both deserve someone who is fully committed. Look them in the eye, keep your voice even, and give specific reasons for the breakup. Don’t offer false hope for future contact. A quick and clean break is best for both parties.
One of the basic facts about relationships is that sooner or later everyone is faced with the task of telling an interested party that interest is not being returned. If the interaction is early, such as after a first date, it’s relatively easy to let someone down easily. But if the two people have been dating for a long time and one party doesn’t reciprocate the other’s strong feelings, the task can be much more difficult.
The first thing you need to understand is that no matter how you break the connection, the other party will be hurt. Along with the pain, there might be some anger, maybe some denial, and some begging for another chance to make things work. What you hope to do is keep that pain to a minimum, cool the anger, and be kind but firm about putting more effort into something that isn’t working. This will require careful thought on your part.
Stay away from tired clichés that always seem to signal that rejection is on the horizon. When you start the conversation with “We need to talk” or “I have something to tell you,” there’s a good chance the other person will immediately think, “He’s going to break up with me.” Defenses rise and it becomes much more difficult to keep the conversation on an adult level.
To let someone down easily, it’s important to be very direct in the beginning. State in no uncertain terms that you want to end the relationship. Trying to cushion the blow before it is delivered only prolongs the agony. After making it clear that the relationship is over, the two of you can sort out the loose ends and talk about how you both feel.
Once you’ve firmly stated “I don’t want to see you anymore,” then go on to point out two or three attributes of the individual and note that you think he’s a great person who will make a great love interest for someone else. Make it clear that you both deserve to find someone who is able to fully commit to a relationship and who shares the same level of attraction and interest. Convey the idea that while this may be a little difficult now, it will make it possible for both of you to move forward and find what you are looking for.
When you let someone down easily, make sure you look them in the eye. Failure to make eye contact can give the impression that you’re not entirely sure about the breakup. If the other party looks you in the eye and sees that you’re serious and won’t let that sway you, there’s less chance of a performance you both will regret later. It’s also easier to talk to someone when the group is focusing their attention on you.
At all times, keep your voice even and within normal speaking range. This is especially important if the other party becomes nervous about breaking up. It’s impossible to let someone down easily if you join in the hysteria by raising your voice. Give the other party a few moments to vent, and then continue.
If appropriate, you may want to point out one or two key elements that make both incompatible. When you let someone down easily, it’s important to give a specific reason. Make it clear that those traits aren’t necessarily bad, and that many other people would find them assets. However, they are not what you are looking for.
Don’t sweeten goodbyes by offering to still be friends or by indicating that any future contact will take place. You don’t want the other party to have false hopes that you two can get back together in the future. Be kind, but be firm. In the long run, both of you will benefit from the quick and clean break.
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