There are various ways to offer condolences to someone who has lost a loved one, including sending a handwritten note or letter, making a condolence call, or attending the funeral. It is important to consider the relationship with the bereaved and their cultural traditions when expressing condolences.
There are several ways to express condolences to someone who has experienced the death of a loved one, depending on the nature of the relationship with the bereaved person and the person’s geographic proximity. Condolences of any form are usually greatly appreciated by the bereaved and their family.
The traditional way of giving condolences in many cultures is to send a note or letter with a few sentences of condolence, expressing dismay upon learning of the deceased’s death and the writer’s hope that family members are as well as they can under the circumstances . It is traditional to address a condolence letter to the head of the family, although the writer may also send individual condolences to people in the family he knows closely. As a general rule, a blank card should be used, rather than a pre-printed card, and the theme of the card should be dark.
In the modern age, some people like to send condolences via email. Many etiquette experts frown on this, however, as email has a very casual feel. Written condolences should be handwritten on a card, rather than sent electronically, even if the sentiments are exactly the same either way.
Condolence calls are also traditional. In many societies, mourners hold an open house after death specifically for the purpose of condolence calls, allowing people to drop by to express their condolences in person. Some people like to bring food, flowers, and other gifts during a condolence call to express their support for the bereaved. In the case of Jewish mourners, a mourning period known as shiva is held for a week after the death to allow visitors to pass by and visit the family while the family processes its grief.
Those who are too far away to visit in person but would still like to express their condolences can also call the mourners by phone. It is important for people to know that telephone calls are sometimes considered disruptive, as they can disrupt funeral arrangements or prevent family members from reaching mourners. When someone decides to call, they should be aware that a friend who is handling calls for the family may also answer the phone, rather than one of the mourners directly.
If a person has been invited to attend the funeral, it is also appropriate that they offer their condolences at that time. Many people also like to express condolences when they see the bereaved for the first time after a death, whether or not they sent a card. A bereaved colleague, for example, many appreciate an offer of condolences upon returning to work, just as a bereaved person may be happy to hear from a friend when she is seen on the street or in the supermarket.
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