Regaining trust requires understanding why it was lost, apologizing sincerely, and proving through actions that you’ve changed. It takes time and patience, and may require multiple apologies. Once trust is regained, it’s important to take precautions to not repeat mistakes.
Regaining trust is often a difficult thing that depends a lot on the circumstances, but understanding where things went wrong, apologizing sincerely and fully, and working hard to show that you’ve changed are usually some of the most important steps. It’s often really hard to regain trust once it’s lost, and it’s not always possible. Some people are unforgiving, and some mistakes are more or less permanently harmful, both in personal and professional contexts. However, trying to smooth things over is almost always a good plan. The process may take longer than expected, but it’s almost always worth it.
Understand why trust has been lost
The most important place to start is usually to think long and hard about why trust was lost in the first place. In most cases it is very difficult to resolve a situation unless you are fully aware of why a person or group no longer trusts you. This often takes a bit of thought, and it’s generally a good idea to think universally: Think about any obvious mistakes you’ve made, but also about how the ramifications of those actions could have gone down and caused different types of damage. Lying in a work report might have made your boss look bad instantly, for example, but it might also have hurt other coworkers by discounting or decreasing their contributions. Similarly, cheating on a romantic partner might make that partner angry, but it could also affect her self-esteem for a long time to come.
Importance of apologies
A sincere and sincere apology is often key. Relationship experts often emphasize the importance of “owning” your mistakes when apologizing, which basically means that you should take complete responsibility for every aspect of your past behavior that led to the breakup or loss of trust. Apologies can be written or spoken, over the phone or in person. Choosing the best venue is usually a matter of getting to know the person you’ve offended and thinking about how to reach that person or group of people specifically.
Sometimes it’s a good strategy to apologize in a couple of different ways, such as through a letter and a conversation. It’s equally important not to overdo it, though. If the person or group you’re apologizing to doesn’t seem ready to receive your words, it’s usually best to step back, at least temporarily, rather than risk sounding desperate or clingy. Not everyone is ready or able to accept an apology the moment it is offered, so do your best and then give your words space to absorb and speak for themselves.
Prove to yourself
Another way to regain confidence is to prove yourself through actions and deeds. It can be very difficult to believe in someone again if it seems likely that the same mistakes will be made over and over again, and saying you’ve changed is usually not as effective as actually showing it. Whatever has been done to lead to the loss of trust, do the opposite and opt to do what the person wants you to do. If that person sees you making every effort not to make the same mistakes, you may have a better chance of regaining trust.
Give it time
It’s generally rare for someone to immediately restore trust in you once you’ve done something to damage the relationship, which means you may need to be patient. Once you’ve apologized and promised to change, it might be best to actually live by those promises, even if it takes weeks, months, or even years. For some people, being able to trust someone else is monumental and once that trust is broken it will take time to put things back together. Trust is usually built slowly over time and cannot be rushed or forced.
Once you’re trustworthy again, you should take special precautions to ensure you don’t make the same or similar mistakes. In some cases it may take more effort to regain trust than it ever took to get first place. If the person or group you’re struggling with is important, however, you should do whatever you can to put things right, even if it means pulling yourself back for a while.
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