Love addiction can have harmful physical and emotional effects, and can lead to codependency and separation anxiety. Recovery programs, modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, are available to help those suffering from love addiction.
There is no doubt that the emotion we call love can have a powerful effect on a person’s physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Some have even suggested that the act of falling in love with another person could be considered a mild form of mental illness, as the process can cause a person to change his habits and her personality so abruptly. It is definitely possible to become addicted to being in love, and this addiction can trigger some harmful physical and emotional side effects if not kept in check. A love addict may not be doing anything illegal like drugs or physically harmful like overeating, but they are still putting themselves at risk by pursuing inappropriate or dangerous relationships.
An addict feeds on the emotional charge of love or sex the same way an addict gets a high from heroin or an alcoholic enjoys the high of alcohol. This is not the same level of emotion that an average person might feel if she meets an attractive new co-worker, for example. A healthy person might feel sexually or emotionally attracted to another person, but would not obsess over ways to meet that person or create an imaginary romantic relationship in their mind. This type of addict often views other people in a more idealized way, especially when it comes to providing emotional relief or personal validation. A sane person might feel hurt if her proposal is rejected, but a love addict might consider it a betrayal by a soul mate.
There is also the idea of codependency that tends to permeate these relationships. A sane person may share excitement at her partner’s good news or feel sorry for a bad experience, but a love addict often uses her partner’s emotional state as the key to her own. Whenever one partner is having a bad day at work, the addict partner will also manifest frustration, anger, or depression. If one partner is feeling particularly happy or optimistic, a codependent partner will also mimic her mood. For many people who struggle with love or sexual addiction, this emotional codependency often makes them feel like they can no longer form independent emotions. There is also a tendency for these addicts to avoid any conflict with their partners to avoid any possibility of rejection.
A classic sign of a love or sex addiction is extreme separation anxiety. The thought of spending too much time away from a romantic or sexual partner can literally break down the addict physically and emotionally. Drug addicts can experience the same physical and mental withdrawal symptoms as drug addicts or alcoholics. Some may begin to envision scenarios where the missing partner commits adultery or otherwise plots to end the relationship. Even those in healthy romantic relationships may have irrational thoughts from time to time, but a love addict will often obsess over one partner until the relationship reaches a breaking point. Many addicts are skilled in the early stages of a romance or sexual seduction, but lack the emotional skills needed to maintain a long-term relationship.
However, there are recovery programs available for those who may be suffering from love addiction. Many are modeled after the 12 programs associated with Alcoholics Anonymous. A recovering addict may be required to cut off or severely limit all contact with current or past romantic partners while in treatment. Trained counselors will often explore the addict’s personal history to discover any connection to her current behavior. While these addicts aren’t strictly prohibited from forming new romantic relationships after rehab, they are usually encouraged to recognize certain triggers that could lead to unhealthy relationships or a self-destructive cycle.
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