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A bone of contention is a disagreement that causes animosity between two parties until resolved. It can stem from differences in beliefs, politics, or even parenting. The phrase’s origin is debated, but it may come from dogs fighting over a bone. Not all disagreements become bones of contention, only when one party insists on the other changing their opinion.
A bone of contention is any issue or thought that triggers some kind of difference of opinion between two parties, usually to the point that both parties experience some degree of animosity towards each other. Until both parties are able to come to some sort of resolution to the conflict that is causing tension, that issue will remain something that creates a barrier in communication and may even extend to other matters that were once considered harmless. Only after both parties settle the matter to their mutual satisfaction, either by eliminating the issue or at least deciding it’s okay to simply agree to disagree, will the matter cease to be a bone of contention undermining the relationship.
The exact origin of the idiom is debated among linguists and others who are interested in idioms and various types of colloquialisms. One popular school of thought holds that the phrase is representative of what happens when a dog attempts to take away a bone that is currently in the possession of another dog. Typically, the result is a heated exchange between the two animals that can escalate into a fight.
As a saying helps describe the differences of opinion between people, some of the discord can be something as simple as a difference in the belief systems of two different people. While many people find it very easy to respect boundaries and don’t feel the need to attack the beliefs of others, this isn’t always the case. When two people who are convinced that their unique lines of thought are each the most correct and therefore superior to all the others, it is likely that they will each compete to demonstrate how the other’s thought processes are flawed. As a result, animosity can often develop as both parties spend more time pointing out perceived flaws from the other person’s point of view and less time looking for common ground. In this scenario, a bone of contention will often make it difficult for the two parties to relate on any level, even on issues where they agree.
A bone of contention can occur whenever there is a difference of opinion on any subject that escalates to the point where anger and negative feelings are created between two parties. Different thoughts about what kind of fence to put around your property can become an issue among neighbors. Political and religious positions can be the basis for disagreements that become heated and divisive. Parents may disagree on some aspects of raising their children, creating resentment within the family.
It’s important to note that just because you have different opinions or thoughts doesn’t mean that those ideas should become a bone of contention. In many cases, people are able to share different ideas without anyone feeling threatened or feeling it necessary to correct another person’s thoughts. It is only when at least one party is convinced that the other must change sides and agree with a different point of view that an issue or belief becomes a bone of contention.
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