Narcissism and self-esteem are opposite patterns of behavior. Narcissism involves an unrealistically high self-perception and a desire for attention, while healthy self-esteem involves a balanced view of self and a desire for attention through merit alone. Narcissists have an inability to accept blame for failures and may view others as tools to be used for their own advancement. In contrast, people with healthy self-esteem treat others with respect and see them as equals.
Narcissism and self-esteem are two terms that refer to a person’s self-perception and resulting behavior. While they may appear superficially similar, narcissism and self-esteem are actually nearly opposite patterns of thought and behavior. While narcissism involves an unrealistically high self-perception and driving desire for attention and admiration, healthy self-esteem, a realistically balanced view of self, and a desire to receive attention through merit alone.
One of the key distinctions between narcissism and self-esteem is how self-perception holds up to reality. The narcissistic person will assert their talents, achievements and goals without reference to the objective reality of the situation. For example, a narcissistic person may be certain that he is the best runner on a track team, despite finishing fourth in every race. A person with healthy self-esteem is able to accurately judge their own abilities and does not tend to allow flights of fancy to wildly and unrealistically inflate expectations.
Another important difference between narcissism and self-esteem is how failure or disappointment is handled. With healthy self-esteem, a person may be able to look at a badly resolved situation and discover ways he could have done better. Additionally, good self-esteem can prevent a person from allowing failure to destroy or threaten their overall self-image; although delusion can occur, it does not drastically alter a person’s view of themselves. One of the most classic signs of narcissism is an inability to accept blame for failures. With a precious self-image under threat, the narcissist is likely to become defensive and look for ways to blame others.
How a person regards and treats others can also be important in distinguishing narcissism and self-esteem. Because a narcissist tends to view themselves as the primary concern, others may appear as pawns or tools to be used, rather than equally important individuals. A narcissist may be quick to leave friends or family members who don’t give the required amount of praise or admiration or have skills that rival hers. Narcissists may also be prone to lying or manipulating others to get their way, since their own advancement is often their primary consideration. While a person with healthy self-esteem is unlikely to accept poor treatment, she may be better able to see other people as equals and treat them with the same measure of respect and ethics that they wish for themselves.
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