Narcissism can have negative effects on marriage, including guilt, resentment, trust issues, emotional abuse, parenting conflicts, personal and social life problems, and potential abuse. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a recognized mental illness that requires counseling to maintain a functional relationship.
There are many different effects of narcissism on marriage and a lot depends on the individual couple, but some of the biggest ones include guilt issues, resentment, trust issues, and emotional abuse. Serious tensions in parenting can also arise when a couple has children. Matters are complicated by the degree of narcissism that one spouse displays, and when both spouses tend to be disruptive, often the couple needs to do significant work to maintain a happy balance in their relationship.
Guilt and resentment issues
Marriage is, ideally, a partnership. If one individual in the relationship is abnormally self-involved, the other may become resentful over time. People who have an exaggerated sense of conceit often find it very difficult to accept responsibility for mistakes and shortcomings. They also tend to be very demanding when it comes to attention and praise, often insisting that everyone around them see them in the inflated terms they see themselves in. This has the potential to aggravate the remaining spouse, who may feel as though her needs are not being met in the same way.
The narcissist may also seek to disproportionately shift the blame for any wrongdoing or shortcomings onto the other. People with this affliction often consider themselves virtually infallible and, as a result, often believe that if something has gone wrong it must simply be because of someone else. In a marriage this type of one-sidedness can be very taxing for the spouse who has to shoulder most of the blame, whether deserved or not, and often leads to self-esteem issues.
Loss of trust
A partner’s need for constant adoration or praise can also diminish the honesty and trust that are key to maintaining a healthy relationship. The narcissist may begin to seek self-affirmation outside of marriage, in which case infidelity may become a problem. A husband or wife can also become a facilitator, which can erode the intimacy of the couple and leave the feeling of non-narcissism as if he or she is “on the outside”, unable to share honest thoughts and feelings.
Personal and social life problems
People with this affliction often have trouble understanding how their actions affect others, and it can be difficult for them to think about the long-term effects of their personal involvement. This often leads to money and budget issues for couples. Such behavior can also bring into the work of the narcissist, creating professional consequences which then facilitate more economic and personal strife. Even the social relationships forged by the couple could suffer a serious blow.
Handling and potential abuse
In some cases, the narcissist who lacks empathy and concern for others can become a manipulator. His wants and needs trump the wants and needs of everyone else, including his spouse. This often sets the stage for emotional abuse.
Parental conflicts
Special problems also arise if the marriage includes children or plans for children. The non-narcissistic partner may find himself assuming most of the parenting duties and shouldering almost single-handed responsibility for setting boundaries, praising, and meting out punishments. Additionally, the narcissist’s behavior patterns can carry over into interactions with children. Young people are very impressionable, particularly when it comes to the example set by their parents, and their psyche can really be damaged when they feel they are not “good enough” or do not live up to their parents’ expectations.
How narcissism is diagnosed
Not all narcissists have been officially diagnosed, and many people carry elements of the condition that aren’t defined. Situations of high stress and uncertainty tend to bring it out. The effect of narcissism on marriage can be profound, no matter how severe the condition, but it is often most pronounced in cases of a truly debilitating disorder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an officially recognized mental illness characterized by a lack of empathy, exaggerated achievement, an exaggerated sense of entitlement, and an excessive need for attention and admiration. Experts aren’t sure exactly what causes the disease, but it’s often thought to be a combination of hormonal or brain chemistry imbalance and abusive or lax parenting during the formative years.
Treatment options
A marriage in which one or both spouses display narcissistic tendencies usually requires a lot of counseling to remain functional. Most marriage and family psychiatrists recommend that people in these types of relationships engage in open-ended, i.e., potentially indefinite, regular therapy. Emotional abuse can have a lifelong effect on the individual afflicted, and the resentment and jealousy that so often surfaces does not usually go away on its own. When a union is not a balanced and true partnership, all parties involved suffer. Marriages usually work best when the narcissistic individual recognizes that change is needed and takes regular steps to remedy the situation.
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