Thank-you notes are declining in use, but should be sent for gifts and services received. Personalize notes and refer to specific gifts. Send notes to employers after interviews. Acknowledge kind attentions with a note.
Many etiquette experts suggest that thank-you notes are used less frequently than courtesy requires. They complain that the practice of writing a note upon receipt of a gift is declining and little encouraged in children who will determine the future of such etiquette. Most people probably don’t write as many thank-you notes as etiquette says they should, and many people aren’t sure how to write an appropriate and polite message.
Of course, you should write a thank-you note when you receive a gift, particularly if the gift is shipped. This allows you to instantly acknowledge that you have received the gift and also to assure the giver that the item/cash/gift card is exactly what you wanted. The rules around sending a thank-you note can be somewhat relaxed in familiar settings. For example, a birthday party for a child attended only by family might not require notes to be sent. Many etiquette experts disagree, however, and believe that’s always the appropriate response.
Not all families send thank you notes to other family members. If your family renounces this tradition, there is no need to submit one. New adult members of a family, especially spouses, should send a thank you note unless they are told not to. Also, some family members may want a thank you note, while others find it superfluous. Finding out who needs a note, like Grandma, who may be a stickler for etiquette, can help pave the way for becoming part of a new family.
There’s no good excuse not to send a thank-you note to those who aren’t family members. Whenever you receive a gift or a service is rendered to you, a thank-you note is the appropriate gesture. If you’ve failed to send thank-yous in the past, it’s better to send a late, apology note than never to send one. So if you’re embarrassed by an etiquette error, try not to let that embarrassment get in the way of doing the “correct” thing.
In addition to sending a thank you note to those who send gifts, notes should be sent to prospective employers after an interview. Even if you don’t get the job, the company, and especially the interviewers, should still be thanked. If possible, refer specifically to a topic discussed in the interview or a point of interest. The note is not meant to be sycophantic, but simply to thank the interviewer for taking his time. Employment experts believe that such a note can add an extra finish to someone’s application and at the same time can build good relationships with employers or those you may work with in the future.
People who receive a large number of gifts at once, such as newlyweds, should try to personalize each thank-you note. Referring specifically to the gift is much better than a standard, “Thank you for your gift.” Notes sent via email do not count. Unless your handwriting is completely illegible, notes should always be handwritten.
The specificity in the note lets the giver know that you’ve actually thought about the gift and are enjoying it. While this sometimes means a polite lie on the part of the recipient, gifts received should always be acknowledged with a note that is personal and reflects the taste of the giver. If a gift certificate or money has been received, the thank-you note may include acknowledgments for the donor’s “generosity” and perhaps an idea of how the money might be spent, even if it’s another polite sham.
Most people like to have their kind attentions acknowledged. A thank-you note to a teacher, a helpful person in a store, or anyone who does a service to you or your family is always appropriate. Being thanked makes a person more likely to be helpful in the future, as it promotes good feelings. Therefore, in almost all cases, you should send a thank you note whenever a person deserves a thank you.
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