Children experience different signs of grief based on their age and emotional maturity. Newborns may feel a sense of loss and separation, while two to six year olds may experience loss of bladder and bowel control. Nine year olds understand death to some extent, while 12 year olds may feel guilty about being alive.
The standard signs of mourning in children are loss of appetite, insomnia and heightened emotions. Children experience different emotions and stages of grief based on their age and emotional maturity. In other words, the signs of grief in a six-year-old can be very different than in a preteens. Either way, the issue of death can be confusing and painful for a child, especially if a parent is emotionally unable to provide comfort.
Newborns don’t understand death, but they can feel a sense of loss and separation. This is especially true if the child’s primary caregiver is the person who died. Signs of grief in children younger than one year generally involve being less active and less responsive to positive stimuli. Your child may also lose weight due to loss of appetite and sleep less than usual. These reactions to death are usually not seen unless the child had a strong bond with the recently deceased.
In addition to loss of appetite and minor insomnia, signs of grief in two to six year olds could be loss of bladder and bowel control if the child is already potty trained. It is not uncommon for signs of bereavement in children to include excessive concern for their own or a relative’s well-being, emotional attachment to a parent, and unusual aggression. Normally, children around this age are unable to fully grasp the concept of death. They may confuse death with sleep or believe that the deceased is still alive but distant. Funerals can be especially confusing for a child who doesn’t understand death and may question the burial process.
When a child is nine years old, his or her signs of mourning are similar to those of an adult. The child usually understands death to some extent and knows that it is an inevitable consequence of life. While it’s normal to experience mood swings, destructive behavior, and a feeling of abandonment by the deceased, children this age generally no longer view death as a punishment.
Around age 12, signs of grief in children can include feeling guilty about being alive, emotional outbursts, and anger towards the deceased. Normally, children of this age are no longer confused about the concept of death. They know that death is final, it can happen to anyone and one day it will happen to them too.
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