Social skills are essential for communication and socializing with others, including verbal and non-verbal forms of communication. They are judged by what a person says, when they say it, and how they say it, as well as body language, eye contact, and gestures. Some people may struggle with social skills due to communication disabilities or social anxiety disorder.
Social skills are often thought of as a set of skills that enable people to communicate, relate and socialize with others. They include both verbal and non-verbal forms of communication and can be defined differently from one culture to another. These skills are often how others determine a person’s status, view people as potential friends or mates, and consider them for employment or promotions in the workplace. The opposite is social ineptitude, which is the inability to use those elements that would make a good communicator.
In most English-speaking countries, social skills are both verbal and non-verbal. Verbal ones include being able to determine the appropriate thing to say at the appropriate moment, being able to communicate in engaging ways, having a range of tones and vocal qualities, and being able to speak in a polite but reasonably intelligible manner. In a sense, those skills are judged by what a person says, when they say it, and how they say it.
People with good verbal skills in the United States are thought to speak in a clear voice, have inflection, speak appropriately to a situation, and have confidence in their voice. Poor skills could be interpreted as having a monotone voice, saying the wrong thing, speaking too softly to be heard or too loudly to be tolerated, or simply talking about boring subjects. The person who can only tackle one topic is also believed to have poor social skills.
Because there are regional dialects in the United States, verbal ability can also be judged by accent or lack thereof. A person who lives in the South but is from California might be considered shrill-voiced because they don’t have a southern accent. Conversely, a California speaker might think of the slow-talking southerner with a heavy accent as less educated. People with accents from other countries, with the exception of British accents, tend to be considered by some to be less intelligent than those who speak clear English. How a speaker’s voice is perceived can cause a person to make snap judgments about him, even if these are often incorrect.
The other aspect of social skills is non-verbal. Body language, standing upright, making eye contact, making appropriate gestures, leaning towards the person you are talking to, smiling appropriately, and keeping your body open can all define good nonverbal skills. It should be noted that these things can be overdone. Gestures can be too dramatic, people who smile too much may not be trustworthy, and leaning too far into someone else’s personal space can be considered rude.
Also, the person with good non-verbal skills listens well. A nod of the head, the occasional quick comment, and clearly an acceptance of someone else’s communications are invaluable. People don’t just want to talk; they want to talk to them. The feeling that both communicators are equally participating in a conversation demonstrates advanced social skills.
While these skills can be learned, some people seem to have an innate sense of good ones. Others may struggle due to communication disabilities. For example, those with autism, nonverbal learning disabilities, and Asperger’s all have an extremely difficult time interpreting voice inflection, sarcasm, and body language. They may also have difficulty using voice inflection or sarcasm, and their body language may communicate poorly with others.
Those with social anxiety disorder may be challenged by feelings of panic when in certain social situations that make putting these skills to work very problematic. While many people can overcome social anxiety, those with verifiable speech impairment often face an uphill battle in being in relationships and learning to be judged by their inner qualities rather than their lack of what the culture defines as social skills. .
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