To communicate effectively with your boyfriend, recognize that men and women express themselves differently. Keep conversations short and simple, use body language, and “I” statements. Give him time to respond and try to see things from his perspective. Incorporate his unique traits and interests, and compliment him to boost his confidence.
Perhaps the most important tip for communicating with your boyfriend is to recognize that people, especially men and women, don’t always express themselves in the same way. Once you understand this, you can use a few techniques to improve the way you communicate: keep conversations simple and short, alert your boyfriend when you need to vent, use body language well, and incorporate “I” statements into conversations. Other tips include giving your boyfriend plenty of time to respond, trying to see through his eyes, and using his unique traits and interests to make points. Complimenting him can also improve the communication situation, because it can make him feel more needed and capable, prompting him to speak up.
Recognize communication differences
Men and women often have different ways of expressing themselves. Women tend to want to explore a range of different feelings and opinions. They usually see communication as an effective way to prevent problems and plan what to do next. Conversely, discussing many opinions and feelings can be difficult for men, who generally prefer to keep things simple. Sometimes they don’t see communication as necessary unless there’s already a need to take action or solve a problem.
Keep It Short and Simple
Because of the way most men communicate, it’s generally helpful to keep conversations short and rational, addressing only one or two feelings or ideas at a time. This requires narrowing down exactly what you want to say before an argument occurs, but it usually keeps a guy’s attention.
Give a warning before venting
Most men solve problems well because of the way their brains are wired. This can get his partner out of a fix, but it can also make a guy react to the outburst the wrong way. He may think you’re giving him a problem to solve, when really you just want to get the feelings off your chest. To put a guy more at ease, it’s a good idea to start the conversation with an honest disclaimer, like “I don’t expect anyone to have a solution, but just talking about it will make me feel better.”
Talk to the body
Communicating well in a romantic or other relationship requires paying close attention to body language. Facial and body gestures can convey a tremendous amount of meaning during a conversation, so one way to manipulate a conversation well or avoid conflict with a guy is to control your movements. If you sit with your arms crossed, for example, this conveys a reluctance to hear or listen to the other person. Conversely, leaning forward and smiling can show interest in what your boyfriend is saying.
Use the “I” language
Even though body language may speak louder than the actual words a person says, your boyfriend will still hear your actual speech. Psychologists have long recommended using “I” statements such as “I think” or “I feel that…” when communicating, because such statements generally don’t make the listener defensive. Avoiding “you” statements could therefore improve the effectiveness of your speeches.
Give time for the answer
There is a huge difference between monologue and dialogue. In the monologue, only one person speaks, which means that two-way communication does not happen. Getting your boyfriend to open up in a meaningful way, therefore, means that it’s not just you who can talk. Give your boyfriend time to react to what you said. This can be challenging, because while some people like to take the time to formulate a concise, simple and clear answer, others react emotionally to short periods of silence and sometimes feel the need to fill them with more small talk.
See from his point of view
One trick that sometimes enhances communication in a relationship is for one partner to put themselves in the other’s shoes. If the guy has been spending a lot more time with friends than he has, for example, you might try to think about what these friends offer in terms of fun, relaxation, and self-expression. Then you can pair your understanding with “I” statements, such as “I know spending time with your friends can help you de-stress, but I feel like…”
Take advantage of the Unique
Even though men show some general characteristics that are quite similar, every man, just like every woman, is highly individual. Your boyfriend has his dreams, philosophies, experiences, fears and preferences. Incorporating these things into your communication approach can make it more responsive. If your boyfriend likes video games, for example, you might try using an analogy using a specific game to describe a situation, problem, or feeling.
Compliment him
Many men are naturally competitive to some extent, so complimenting your boyfriend can boost his ego, making him feel comfortable and needed. This can make him more willing to speak up and really listen carefully.
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