Children lie for various reasons, and it’s a normal part of development. Parents should teach the difference between truth and lies, be consistent in discipline, and lead by example. Punishing lying is appropriate for school-aged children who understand right from wrong. Children may imitate adult behavior, so parents should avoid telling “white lies.” Consistency is key to effectively dealing with lying children.
Children lie for a variety of reasons, whether because they are afraid to tell the truth or because they simply don’t want to be punished. Your kids lying doesn’t make them mean or mean they have behavioral problems. It just makes them children. How you deal with children who lie will determine whether or not the problem persists.
When kids are really young, they don’t understand the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie. As a parent, it will be your responsibility to teach him this. Children will learn when you catch them telling a lie. Point out to your child that he just told a lie and that it is wrong to do so. Be consistent and over time your child will learn.
Preschoolers tend to extend truth beyond the realm of reality. They don’t intentionally lie, they just can’t tell the difference between truth and fantasy. When your child makes up stories, like “The dragon in my room broke the lamp,” point out that he’s telling a story. Explain to her that while it’s an interesting story, it’s not the truth.
Somewhere around school age, children’s lies become willful. This is usually to avoid being punished for something they did wrong, like stealing a toy or hitting a friend. Sit down with your child and tell him what he did was wrong. Explain to him why telling the truth is important. At this age, punishing him for lying is appropriate because he is able to distinguish between right and wrong.
Children who lie can also be a result of fear that they have done something wrong. If your child accidentally broke a window, he may deny he did it. This would be a good time to explain that you are angrier at her lying than at the broken window. The breaking of the window was an accident, but the lie was intentional. The truth is valued more than punishing misbehavior.
Children who lie are sometimes an imitation of an adult’s behavior. When an adult tells a “white lie,” children get confused. They are told not to tell lies, but they witness you lying to someone else. White lies, like saying you’re not home to avoid answering a call, might not seem like a big deal to you. For your child, though, it’s a sign that it’s okay to lie to avoid doing something you don’t want to.
When it comes to children who lie, consistency is the key to dealing effectively with them. Let your child know what is expected and lead by example. Discipline your older children when they tell a lie and reward them when they tell the truth.
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