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Wedding gifts are customary but not mandatory. A registry is a guide, not a request. A gift is an expression of regard, not payment. If you can’t afford a gift, provide one within your means or a card with a special note. It’s acceptable to skip a wedding if missing a gift will be perceived as a snub. Brides and grooms who expect gifts violate etiquette. Not providing a gift for a couple whose wedding you won’t attend does not violate etiquette.
In general, it is customary to purchase a wedding gift for a wedding you plan to attend. The gift can be sent before the wedding or brought to the reception. However, some find themselves in an ethical bind if they cannot afford a gift but would still like to attend the wedding.
A dip in your finances can simply mean you can’t afford a wedding gift on the newly wed couple’s wedding registry. A registry is usually a means of providing guests with ideas about potential gifts; it should never be a request for certain gifts. Indeed, strict etiquette requires that the bride and groom do not expect gifts, even if they would like to receive them.
A wedding gift is not a payment for the pleasure of attending a wedding or compensation for how much the bride and groom are paying for the wedding reception meal. Rather, it is an expression of regard for the couple. Therefore, if you can’t purchase a wedding gift on a wedding registry, you may want to get creative and provide a gift within your means.
If you don’t have the means to provide even a small gift, then you should analyze how the non-receipt of a gift might be received by the married couple. A close friend or close relative may realize that some “loved ones” are in difficult financial circumstances. Simply providing a card can meet the etiquette needs, especially if the card includes a special note or poem about how dear the couple is to your heart.
Unfortunately, some married couples are less interested in etiquette and fully expect a gift of a certain value or a specific value. Sometimes the best option in these cases is not to attend a wedding where missing a wedding gift will be perceived as a deliberate snub. Especially if you want to keep more materialistic friends, not attending the wedding due to lack of funds for a gift is an acceptable means out of this mess of etiquette.
However, some brides and grooms expect a gift whether or not a guest actually attends the wedding. You shouldn’t feel guilty if you can’t provide a gift. The bride and groom act against etiquette by expecting a gift from anyone. Therefore, not providing a gift for a couple whose wedding you will not be attending does not violate etiquette. A greedy bride or groom can still take it personally. When this is the case, you might consider shopping not for a gift, but for friends with greater empathy.
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