Condolences are formal expressions of sympathy offered to people after the death of a friend or loved one. They can take many forms, including oral condolences, condolence letters, and condolence calls. It is important to follow cultural traditions and show respect for the bereaved.
Condolences are formal expressions of sympathy offered to people after the death of a friend or loved one. Most cultures have traditions surrounding the use of condolences, and it is generally considered a very poor form to neglect to offer condolences to someone upon learning that he or she has recently experienced the death of someone close. Condolences can take many forms.
In a condolence letter, someone composes a short condolence message with the intention of sending the message to the survivors of someone who has died. Typically, condolences are directed to the head of the family, even if you are more familiar with someone else in the family. A second condolence letter can be sent to your dear friend among the mourners. Some people prefer to send short postcards, while others take the time to write longer letters, with the format depending on how well you know the deceased and the mourners.
Condolences are also made orally, classically at the first meeting after the death. Oral condolences are usually brief and may be accompanied by a handshake, hug, or other physical gesture. Offering condolences in this context is important, even if the death occurred months ago, because it recognizes that the bereaved person has undergone significant life changes since they were last seen, and reflects respect and an expression of mutual grief .
In many cultures, people also make condolence calls, visiting the head of a grieving family to express condolences personally, as well as sending a formal letter of condolence. It is not uncommon for mourners to hold a reception or open house, often after the disposition of the body, with designated times for condolence calls. Food is often featured at these events, and specific religious or cultural traditions may be observed during this time.
Even though paying your condolences may seem very embarrassing, it is very important. Family members, for example, often like to hear from close friends of the deceased, so even if you don’t know the family very well, they’ll appreciate a condolence letter or condolence call. Condolences can also be related to family feud politics, in which case you should still do your best to express sympathy while remaining neutral on the topic of conflict.
A formal condolence letter is usually written on plain stationery, with bright, colorful or cheery images that are generally unacceptable. In the case of a condolence card, while pre-printed cards are available, it is highly advisable to choose a blank card and express your feelings. In condolence calls, colors associated with mourning in the family’s culture should generally be worn.
Some cultures and religions have very specific rules about condolences. If you are expressing condolences to someone who is from a culture that is not your own, you may want to ask someone from that culture to go through condolence and mourning traditions with you so that you can behave appropriately. This is especially important if you are invited to a funeral.
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