Taking a French leave means leaving a gathering without saying goodbye. It may have military origins, and is acceptable at large parties but not small ones. It can also mean doing something without permission. The term is not considered offensive, but caution should be taken with unfamiliar customs.
Taking a French leave means leaving a party or other gathering without saying goodbye to the host. In social situations, this often occurs when a person has to leave at a time when it would be rude or inconvenient to say a loud farewell. There is also military usage of the phrase, where it is applied to people who have gone away without permission (AWOL). Whether taking a French leave is acceptable in social situations is a moot point, and deciding whether to say a formal goodbye to a party host is often difficult social navigation.
The origin of this phrase is not firmly identified, but it may have its roots in military interactions. Some attribute the phrase to Napoleonic encounters, while others associate it with American engagements. It is also possible that it derives from French traditions foreign to English speakers.
At large parties, it is often considered socially acceptable to take a French leave if the host is unavailable for a quick hello. When attending small parties, this action would almost always be considered socially unacceptable. In large gatherings, however, it’s often more of an inconvenience to the host that each guest receives an elaborate farewell. Usually, it is advisable for a person taking French leave to call the next morning to thank the guest or for a friend at the party to notify the guest of her departure with due gratitude. Some etiquette experts believe this type of outing is inappropriate in all situations because it could offend the host.
In some contexts, taking French leave can mean doing something without permission, particularly when it involves absence. For example, one could say that a person takes French leave when he misses class or work. This usage is almost always intended to imply that the absence was inappropriate, which is very different from the usage applied to social situations.
Some fear that the use of this term could be considered anti-French, but it is interesting to note that both French and Italian attribute this same action to English. Given the relatively harmless and often thoughtful nature of the act, it is usually not considered offensive to use the term. It’s also important to remember that in some cultures, taking a French leave of absence can be considered highly inappropriate, regardless of the situation, and it’s always best to be cautious when dealing with unfamiliar customs.
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