What’s a hostess gift?

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A hostess gift is a gift that is given to the host or hostess of an event by the guests. A small gift is generally considered appropriate for dinners and parties, while guests staying for several days may receive something larger. The ideal gift is tasteful and elegant, reflecting the supposed good taste of the host or hostess, and is also something the recipient would not personally buy for themselves. While gift-giving might seem like a bizarre tradition to some people, it’s still alive and well, and bringing a gift for a hostess to an event will indicate that you’re polite and that you were raised in polite society.

All kinds of things are suitable for hostess gifts. As a general rule, if you don’t know an event planner very well, you might prefer something fairly neutral, like flowers, as flowers are generally popular. Another common gift choice is wine, although you should be very careful about bringing wines, as some guests don’t drink and others have very specific tastes in wine. Chocolates and baskets of fruit are also not uncommon, together with gifts of fine soaps or lotions.

You shouldn’t necessarily expect to see your hostess gift displayed or used while you’re in attendance, especially if it’s food or wine. Many hosts have very specific meal plans and wine pairings, and while your gift may be delicious and gratefully received, it may not be appropriate for the event at hand. As a general rule, you will be kindly thanked and the gift will be placed away; it is, after all, a gift, not a fluke.

A well-mannered guest will send you a thank-you note within a few days, thanking you both for the gift and for your attendance at the event. It’s also appropriate for you to send a thank-you note, indicating your enjoyment of the party and your appreciation for the host’s excellent hospitality. The exchange of small gifts and notes between hosts and guests keeps feelings of mutual goodwill foremost and tends to prompt more invitations to events.

You should never choose a hostess gift that is ostentatious or gaudy. The goal isn’t to impress the guest, but rather to please them with a small, thoughtful object that reflects your appreciation for the invitation. Therefore, things like jewelry are generally frowned upon as gifts, and you might as well avoid giving gift cards.

A subset of the hostess gift, the housewarming gift, allows for much more leeway. Housewarming gifts can include various useful items for the home, from pot holders to tasteful lamps, and are often well received, especially by people moving into their first homes. If you know your guest needs a large amount of equipment, you may want to join a group of friends to make sure the guest doesn’t get eight whisks or a similar excess of a particular item.

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