“Going against the grain” means going against social norms or something unpleasant. It can be used negatively to describe someone else or positively for oneself. Other idioms with similar meanings include “going against the tide” and “swimming against the tide.” The phrase comes from planing wood against the grain, which leads to a less desirable end product. Shakespeare first used the phrase in his play Coriolanus.
Going against the tide means going against generally accepted practice, or social norms, or simply something that is unpleasant. The phrase can be used in many different ways, such as in relation to someone else or to describe an action that someone doesn’t want to take. The phrase has been in use for centuries, but was largely popularized and written down by William Shakespeare.
The most common modern use of this phrase is to describe something that is strongly contrary to society’s expectations. For example, you might say, “It went against the grain, let your students call you names, and now look at the consequences.” In this sense, the phrase is used almost exclusively about someone else, and is almost always used pejoratively.
A slightly different usage might be to describe something that one has to do, but that goes against one’s inclinations. For example, someone might say, “I’m not one to go against the grain, but in this situation, I had no choice.” It is still used pejoratively, but not as an accusation, more as an acceptance of a situation where all choices are wrong.
Going against societal expectations isn’t necessarily a bad thing and would be commended in many cases. In these cases, however, a different idiom is usually used. For example, they might say, “He always marched to his own drum.” This has much the same meaning, but the connotations can be much more positive.
In some cases, someone may not want to indicate a negative stance by saying someone went against expectations, but they also may not want to applaud the action. In this case, a more neutral idiom would be employed instead. An example of this would be to say, “All roads lead to Rome.” This simply means that there are many different ways of doing something and that none is necessarily better than the other. One could also say, “It takes all kinds,” which would likewise express a sort of acceptance that things are done differently by different people.
Other idioms have a similar meaning to going against the grain. For example, there is often talk of going against the tide or against the tide to refer to the very opposition to social norms. Or someone might talk about swimming against the tide when going against those norms introduces difficulties that need to be overcome.
The idiom itself comes from the real world, where planing wood against the grain leads to splinters and a not quite smooth surface. The easiest way to plane a piece of wood is to do it with the grain, and that also translates into the best end product. So planing otherwise indicates taking an action that is not only difficult but also leads to a less desirable end product.
Shakespeare first wrote the phrase in his 1608 play Coriolanus. In it, the character Sicinius, speaking to Brutus, says: “Say, you have chosen him; More according to our commandment than as led; For your true affections, and for your minds; Worried about what you rather have to do; Of what you should, he made you against the grain; To give him a voice consul: put the blame on us ».
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