Engagement is a formal commitment to marriage, often with a legally binding contract and valuable gifts. It is practiced in various cultures and can only be broken through an official divorce decree. Engaged couples are considered bound together as husband and wife, and in some traditions, this state ends with handfasting.
An engagement indicates the intention of two people to get married. This is a formal state of commitment, requiring detailed negotiation and settlement on behalf of the future husband and wife, and includes each person’s immediate family members. While common in ancient biblical traditions, betrothal is commonly practiced in modern times among, but not limited to, Jewish and Muslim communities, as well as in Celtic, Rotuman, and some pagan communities. In many cultures, even an arranged marriage often begins with an engagement.
A formal contract is drawn up to specify the terms each family agrees to during the engagement and marriage. Such a contract is considered legally binding, and many cultures impose stiff penalties for broken contracts. In the Jewish tradition, for example, breaking this contract is equivalent to divorce. In fact, the betrothal, also called erusin among the Jews, can only be broken through an official divorce decree.
While similar to contemporary definitions of engagement, an engagement is taken a little more seriously. Upon entering this more formal engagement state, couples are effectively considered to be married. Although they cannot start living together, engaged couples are considered bound together as husband and wife when they agree to become engaged. For observant Jews, in particular, this tradition is rooted in the Old Testament biblical scriptures in which a promised woman is called a wife.
Engaged couples and their families often secure official contracts with gifts, which are often of great value, such as cash contributions, jewelry, livestock, and real estate. When the contract is fulfilled and the betrothed couple attend a formal wedding ceremony, these gifts become the couple’s property. If the contract is broken before a formal wedding ceremony takes place, however, the breaching party loses all rights to these assets and may even be liable for damages equal to several times their value.
Sometimes, an engagement is referred to as a wedding, although this term can also mean a formal wedding ceremony following an engagement. In some cases, however, the two are used interchangeably, as a couple is considered to be officially related by marriage while in an engaged state. In Wicca and other pagan traditions, this state ends with handfasting, which is the ceremonial act of tying an engaged man’s hand to the hand of a betrothed woman as a public declaration of marriage. It is through this activity that the commonly used phrase “tying the knot” originates.
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