Emotional blackmail involves using emotional threats and undeserved guilt to force someone to do what the blackmailer wants. This can include threatening harm to themselves or others, or exhibiting strong and inappropriate emotions. Victims often comply to avoid negative consequences. Counseling can help victims recognize and respond appropriately to emotional blackmail.
Emotional blackmail is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person attempts to force another to do what they want through the use of emotional threats and the creation of undeserved guilt. People often commit emotional blackmail by threatening to harm themselves, their victim, or someone else if the victim doesn’t give them the kind of attention they want. An emotional blackmailer may also simply demonstrate strong, scary, and inappropriate emotions if their victim makes or considers a decision the blackmailer doesn’t like. As a result, the victim of emotional blackmail often gives in to the blackmailer to avoid suffering an emotional breakdown or feeling responsible for the consequences threatened by the blackmailer.
Throughout most relationships, it’s not uncommon for one party to occasionally push each other’s buttons to get what they want from that person. Many emotional blackmailers take this all-too-human tendency to an extreme and make it a hallmark of their interactions with others. Instead of recognizing that their needs and wants don’t always match those of others and that negotiation and compromise are necessary in healthy human relationships, they practice emotional blackmail in an attempt to get others to do as they please. A simple form of emotional blackmail is the individual who sulks, complains, or becomes angry when he doesn’t get what he wants. His reaction is so unpalatable to his victim that the victim will comply with the blackmailer’s demands to avoid having to deal with his toxic emotional state.
As the psychological abuse continues, the blackmail can become more overt, with the threatened consequences of non-submission becoming more severe. For example, an emotional blackmailer may threaten to commit suicide if his victim refuses to stay home or come see him right away. If the emotional blackmailer has an addiction or a history of criminal behavior, he may threaten to resume substance abuse or other negative behavior if his victim refuses to accommodate him or otherwise meet his needs. Some emotional blackmailers are very sophisticated and will threaten their victims with consequences that they know their victims will find extremely painful. An emotional blackmailer may tell his victim that he will gossip about her or reveal a family secret if he doesn’t comply with her requests.
Those caught in a cycle of emotional blackmail often benefit from counseling and psychotherapy. A goal of this treatment should be to train the victim to recognize the warning signs and verbal characteristics of emotional blackmail in order to respond appropriately. Victims must learn ways to not get caught up in the cycle of emotional blackmail and to set boundaries with those around them.
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