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Involuntary celibacy, or “incel,” is when a person who is willing and physically able to have sex is unable to find a partner. This includes those who have never had sex, those who have had sex but can’t find another partner, and those in a relationship with an unwilling partner. Incels often turn to online self-help groups for advice and support. Shyness, long delays before becoming sexually active, and cultural expectations about sexual activity are possible causes. Incels report difficulty finding knowledgeable professionals and use online counseling groups for support.
Involuntary celibacy, sometimes called an “incel,” refers to the state in which a person who is willing and physically able to engage in sexual relations is unable to find a partner. The term applies to people who have not yet had sex, those who have had sex at least once but are unable to find another partner, and those who are in a relationship with a partner who is unwilling to have sex. There is little research in this area. Involuntary celibates, also sometimes referred to as incels, have turned to Internet self-help groups for advice and discussion.
Researchers in involuntary celibacy have defined the term broadly. It includes single virgins, singles who have had sex but spend long periods of time between sexual encounters, singles in a relationship lacking sexual intimacy, and “marcels,” married singles whose spouses choose not to engage in sex. The term refers to all sexual orientations, including transgender. Those who are celibate for religious or cultural reasons are excluded from the category of incels. People who have suffered a long illness or suffer from injuries that prohibit sex are also excluded.
Two possible causes attributed to involuntary celibacy are shyness and long delays before becoming sexually active or between sexual partners. The information gleaned from the research questionnaires provided to incels identified some common traits. Many respondents reported being shy and socially awkward. There was also evidence of long delays in becoming sexually active first. Highly unpleasant early sexual experiences or poor physical self-image were frequent responses given by incels about their situation.
It is theorized that cultural expectations about the appropriate timing and amount of sexual activity for a “normal” person may also contribute to or exacerbate involuntary celibacy. Western culture, in particular, has more or less fixed notions of when a person should become sexually active, which can be anywhere between their teens and mid-twenties. Couples in a relationship are expected to have sex with some regularity, and there are books and magazines that specify the average frequency for sex. Many incels can feel out of sync with everyone else, which causes them to further avoid possibly intimate relationships.
Incels reported having difficulty finding professionals knowledgeable about the issue, and many use online help and counseling groups. They share tips and strategies on things like overcoming shyness and how to start conversations. There is also advice on diet and exercise to improve body image. Incels can post success stories and explain how they achieved and sustained an intimate relationship. There are also discussion forums dedicated to the Marcels’ particular problems.
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