What’s love-shyness?

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Love shyness is a chronic shyness that affects a person’s ability to interact with the gender they are attracted to. It can be a type of social phobia and is more common in heterosexual males due to societal expectations. Love-shy men often have low self-esteem and emotional insecurity due to past experiences. It is estimated that 1.5% of the male population in America suffers from romantic shyness, but some psychologists believe this estimate is too high.

Love shyness is a chronic shyness in which a person becomes extremely anxious and unable to function normally when faced with any type of interaction with the gender to which they are attracted. The anxiety is so severe that it inhibits normal social interaction, and some even go so far as to say it is a type of social phobia. Loyal shyness can affect both genders and all sexualities, but is more predominant in heterosexual males. There are several factors that psychologists believe contribute to this shyness.

The term “love shyness” was coined by Brian G. Gilmartin who was the first psychologist to study the phenomenon comprehensively and, as of 2011, is still the dominant expert on the subject. He describes romantic shyness as a man’s inability to interact with those of the opposite sex for any reason, while being able to function normally in other aspects of his life. Gilmartin notes that although shyness in love can affect anyone, it is more prevalent among heterosexual males. Psychologists believe this may be due to the assertive gender role men are expected to assume.

Men who experience shyness in love typically have similar backgrounds and personalities. According to Gilmartin’s research, love-shy men are usually predisposed to shyness due to biological temperaments in combination with particular cultural and environmental learning experiences. They tend to have close relationships with their nuclear family, but their relationships with peers were usually stressful and sometimes traumatic.

Most of these men have had at least one memorable experience with a woman at an early age. Some men remember a good experience with a girl, but the situation did not develop as fully as it could have. Usually, this experience happened in an awkward social environment. Almost all of these men have low self-esteem and emotional insecurity as a result of these experiences.

Gilmartin estimates that 1.5% of the male population in America suffers from romantic shyness. He also believes that most of this group will be recluses for the rest of their lives. Other psychologists, however, find this estimate to be overly generous. It’s impossible to know how many people are shy about love, mainly because it’s not something diagnosed regularly by professionals, and most men won’t admit their shyness openly. In fact, many psychologists believe that shyness in love shouldn’t have its own label outside of social anxiety, because it reinforces negative thinking in these men and infers that the condition cannot be managed or cured.




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