Bereavement counseling helps individuals or groups cope with intense feelings of loss, whether from death, divorce, illness, or other reasons. Grief counseling in groups reduces isolation, and counselors aim to be present and demonstrate empathy, recognizing that grief is a non-linear process. Couples therapy can help partners respect each other’s unique grieving process and promote empathy and intimacy.
Bereavement counseling is a form of therapy that can be used for an individual or in groups, that focuses on someone’s intense feelings of loss. It can be undertaken after the death of a loved one, or even after other heartbreaking situations, such as the breakdown of a marriage, the loss of a job, being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, or a myriad of other reasons. In all cases, bereavement counseling seeks to address a person’s intense feelings after a loss.
Grief counseling is quite common in group settings. This is because peer counseling and relationships with others who can empathize with one’s loss reduce feelings of isolation caused by grief. Group therapy can be led by the group, or it can be led and moderated by a mental health professional or grief counselor. Many people who are not therapists are trained by organizations such as Hospice to help lead pain therapy groups.
The main goals of bereavement counseling are not exactly the same as therapy where you want or need to change your behavior. Instead, the counselor’s goal is to be “present” for the grieving. This is sometimes called compassion. More frequently, the bereavement counselor helps the person simply by actively listening and demonstrating empathy.
Grief counselors recognize that grief is a process that cannot be rushed. Then one tries to be “right there” in whatever stage of grief the person is currently experiencing. Counselors can also work to remind the person that most of the feelings he has or the choices he makes while grieving are quite natural and normal.
When a person loses a loved one, for example, they may first get a lot of kind attention from friends and family. Yet most friends and family will often want to move on after a few weeks, especially when the loss doesn’t have a direct effect on them personally. The bereaved, on the other hand, may not be ready to “move on.” This tends to be when bereavement counseling becomes most effective. It gives the person a way to continue to process their loss and receive sympathy that may not be available from society or even close friends or family.
Much of pain therapy theory today is based on the seminal work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who identified different stages of pain. Kubler-Ross’s work has become a springboard for other theories expanding on her work. For many, prior to the work of Kubler-Ross, there was little understanding that pain is a non-linear process that can take a long time.
Thus, in bereavement counseling, the therapist works with the client to be a compassionate witness to the process, but not to expedite it. It is also important to understand that pain is felt and expressed differently by people. For example, some couples seek grief therapy after the loss of a child. Most likely, part of the difficulty for the couple is that each partner grieves differently and may not be grieving in a way that feels as intense as their partner.
Learning that grief can be dealt with in many ways often saves couples from accusing each other of suffering too much or too little. Bereavement counseling in couples therapy can enable each partner to learn to respect the unique grieving process experienced by each person. This can, in turn, promote empathy and a greater degree of intimacy between partners.
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