Reflective listening is a communication technique where listeners focus on what speakers say and provide reassurance that they understand. It can be used in therapy, professional contexts, and relationships. Listeners should use direct eye contact, avoid criticizing or offering advice, and use techniques like rephrasing and clarifying questions. Counterproductive communication includes judgment and downplaying feelings. The goal is for speakers to feel validated and understood.
Reflective listening, also known as active listening, is a communication technique in which listeners focus on what the speakers are saying and provide reassurance that they hear and understand. The ultimate goal of reflective listening is for speakers to know that the people they are talking to understand and empathize with what they are saying. In this way, speakers are encouraged more than in normal conversations to more fully express their thoughts and beliefs and ultimately find their own solution or resolution to their problems.
This type of communication is useful in a variety of situations and is intended to validate the speaker as a person and to show acceptance of their thoughts and feelings. It can be useful for therapists and counselors to use as their clients explore their feelings and problems and devise solutions for them. This type of listening can also be used in professional contexts between colleagues and between supervisors and their subordinates. Spouses, others in close relationships, and friends can also employ reflective listening to improve their relationships by improving communication.
To use reflective listening, listeners should use direct eye contact and open body language as they listen to speakers and pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal cues. The point of active listening is to focus on what the speakers are saying and what they need, so listeners should avoid the temptation to criticize, offer advice, or explain what they are thinking and feeling. Instead, as speakers speak, listeners should use techniques such as rephrasing what they thought they heard: “You sound like you’re saying you’re frustrated with your boss and what she’s asking of you.” They can also ask clarifying questions if they don’t get it right: “What exactly do you mean when you say you’re done feeling sorry for him?” Listeners can also ask probing questions that prompt speakers to verbalize solutions and take responsibility: “What are you thinking of doing to resolve your conflict?”
Listeners often use communication techniques that run counter to this type of listening, which can be counterproductive and actually increase the speaker’s feelings of frustration and being misunderstood. Judgment, not paying close attention to what is being said, downplaying the speaker’s feelings, offering unwanted advice, and the listener explaining thoughts and feelings at inappropriate times are all examples of communication that go against the goals of reflective listening. If true reflective listening has taken place, speakers should feel validated and that listeners have listened and thought carefully about what they have said and heard.
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