Selective hearing is when people ignore things they don’t want to hear, but it is not a physiological condition. It can be done consciously or unconsciously and is a manifestation of the changing nature of attention. Children are especially susceptible, and it can also occur when a person chooses to hear only what they want from a conversation.
Selective hearing is a way of describing the tendency of some people to ignore things they don’t want to hear. It is not a physiological condition, as individuals are physically hearing the words, but their minds choose not to acknowledge what is being said. In many cases, the conscious mind doesn’t seem to be receiving the information, so it’s different from actively ignoring the speech. Instead, it’s a kind of selective inattention that can be done consciously or unconsciously.
Classically, selective hearing is an attribute people associate with men. The standard example would be a woman asking her male partner if she wants to go to the opera that night, only to have him seemingly ignore her. When she mentions something that interests her, like soccer or beer, however, she responds immediately as if she’s been listening the whole time. While these types of examples may seem facetious, they’re actually not uncommon in day-to-day interactions between people of all genders and relationships.
Attention is a complex system that is not particularly well understood, although it has been studied extensively. One thing that seems to be certain is that the degree of attention a person pays can change dramatically based on circumstances. Some things seem to command absolute attention, while others seem nearly impossible to focus on. Selective listening is simply a manifestation of the changing nature of attention, and is rarely indicative of any kind of overt malice or contempt for a speaking subject or person. It has more to do with how the mind prioritizes things.
It is not uncommon for parents to believe that their children suffer from some type of hearing impairment if the level of selective hearing they express is particularly high. While physiological causes may be responsible, it is most commonly related to an attention deficit disorder. Children are especially susceptible to not listening to everything being said, as they are constantly bombarded with new information to assimilate. To cope, they can shut out things that their brain decides are unimportant.
This term can also be used to describe an unrelated mode of interaction, where a person chooses to hear only what they want from a conversation. This commonly occurs in cases where a person asks a question with the goal of achieving a desired end, rather than actually understanding a situation. For example, if Jane asks John to bring milk to her house and John refuses, Jane might ask, “Why not?” In this case Jane is asking the question not with the intention of understanding why John doesn’t want to bring her the milk, but rather to set aside her logic to try to get him to buy the milk.
As a result, no matter what John answers, Jane will only hear the point she can answer. If he says, “It’ll take too long,” she’ll say, “It’ll only take five minutes.” If he replies, “I’m too busy today,” she might reply, “I’d do it for you.” In any case, she’s not really listening to understand what John is saying, just to glean enough superficial information to disprove her point.
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