Separation anxiety is a common psychological condition experienced by children between the ages of one and three. It occurs because the child has not developed the psychological maturity to know that their parent will return. Parents can help their child overcome separation anxiety by properly greeting them and associating their return with a part of their day. It’s important to avoid new childcare arrangements during this stage and provide reassurance during life events that can cause older children to develop separation anxiety.
A child who experiences anxious feelings when separated from his parents is said to suffer from separation anxiety. Separation anxiety is a common psychological condition experienced by many children, especially between the ages of one and three. Separation anxiety occurs as a normal part of development and typically lasts no more than a few months.
Infants and toddlers up to about seven months of age don’t care much about who is providing their care as long as their needs are met. Children have little concept of time – only the here and now. When mom or dad leave the room or leave the house, they just know they’re gone. Separation anxiety develops because the child has not developed the psychological maturity to know that mom or dad will be back again.
Not all children develop separation anxiety, but many do. For parents, this stage can be particularly difficult because it is often filled with goodbye tears and tantrums. Babies often react to and express their anxious feelings the only way they know how, which is by crying. There are many things parents can do to help their children overcome separation anxiety.
When it comes to separation anxiety, the one thing child development experts agree on is a proper date. As tempting as it may be to sneak away from your child when he’s busy with a toy or activity, it’s not the best exit strategy. Your child needs to be greeted properly. While this may lead to tears, it’s better in the long run. Talk to your child at his level and tell him you’re leaving and when you’ll be back.
Although babies have little concept of time, they do respond to routines. Try to associate your return with a part of their day. Tell your child when you will be back, not in terms of time but rather activities. For example, tell him you’ll be back after snack time or nap time. Give them a frame of reference they can understand and then follow through. As your child realizes that you always come back when you say you will, he will gradually begin to overcome his separation anxiety.
While saying goodbye is a courtesy you should extend to your child, don’t make your goodbye long and drawn out. Pausing to soothe your child only teaches him that crying makes you stay, it doesn’t help him develop coping skills. Also, you shouldn’t re-enter the room once you’ve made the correct exit. Otherwise, your child will learn that crying sets you back.
Other points to keep in mind when dealing with separation anxiety include choice of childcare, frequency of separation, and previous routines. Try to avoid new childcare arrangements during this stage and make sure your child knows his or her caregiver well.
Sometimes life events, such as starting school, moving, the death of a family member, etc., can cause older children to develop separation anxiety. Provide them with reassurance and consider practicing departures in advance. You might also consider creating a special routine or “secret” goodbye that will provide extra comfort for your child. An example can be found in the children’s book The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. Never undermine a child’s feelings by yelling or expressing frustration. With your help, your child should quickly learn to deal with his anxiety and realize that everything will be fine.
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