Sitting shiva is a Jewish mourning practice for close relatives. It involves a seven-day period of mourning where family members sit in their homes and rely on the community for food and chores. The goal is to feel the pain and grief of losing someone, and visitors come to comfort and share stories of the deceased. Some traditional practices are observed during Shiva week, and it is considered a beneficial practice to properly deal with the loss.
Sitting shiva or shi’vah (the Hebrew word for seven) is part of the Jewish practice of mourning a very close relative who has died. Relatives for whom you would sit in Shiva include parents, children, spouses or siblings. Directly following the burial of the deceased, those who observe this custom begin a seven-day period of shiva sitting to honor the massive loss that has occurred. People usually sit shiva in their homes or those of immediate family members with all direct family members present whenever possible.
The practice of sitting shiva provides a moment for mourning. To honor this, direct family mourners do not seek to achieve anything, instead; they rely on the community to bring them food or do their chores. Traditionally, they don’t bathe, work, engage in pleasurable activities, or try to distract themselves with anything. The goal is to feel the pain and grief of having lost someone. When the mourner wishes, he will also discuss the grief with people who visit Shiva. The process is meant to properly, fully, and gradually deal with the great soul transition when your loved one dies.
Some practices are traditionally observed during Shiva week. These include not wearing leather shoes indoors, not leaving the house and possibly sitting on low benches or chairs close to the ground. Other family members and friends who are not direct relatives bring the first meal which is eaten on shiva. In fact, the emphasis is placed on foods with a round or oval shape because they are representative of the circular nature of life. People who sit in Shiva may also wear torn clothes or ribbons to represent deepest sadness.
Although people who sit shiva usually do not leave their homes, friends and other relatives come to the home to visit and help the mourners. The goal is to comfort the bereaved, listen to the bereaved, and share stories of the deceased as appropriate. Sometimes paying a visit to Shiva doesn’t mean saying much of anything; we don’t talk just for the sake of it. Sitting in silence with someone can be more or less comforting than saying things that aren’t helpful.
Not all Jews sit shiva, although many sects of Judaism observe and encourage the practice. Some have modified the practice to three instead of seven days of mourning, although this is frowned upon within mainstream Judaism. Both within and outside of Judaism, seated shiva is considered a particularly beneficial practice as the focus remains on the pain. In modern society, people often engage in activities to distract from feeling grief after losing someone close. Observing a seven day period where most of what you do is focus on your loss and recognizing how deeply that loss is felt can be tremendously helpful.
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