Spousal abuse is not just physical, but includes emotional and financial abuse. Abusers use tactics such as isolation and manipulation to control their partners. Victims may feel trapped and struggle to leave the relationship. It is important to provide support and resources for those experiencing abuse.
Marital abuse is a form of abuse where someone targets their spouse, with the goal of creating and demonstrating control. While many people think of physical violence when they hear the words spousal abuse, this type of abuse is not necessarily physical in nature, and in fact includes a very complex emotional component. Victims of spousal abuse often have difficulty extricating themselves from their relationships.
Couples of all ages, races, religious backgrounds, and sexual orientations can experience spousal abuse. The abusive spouse uses a variety of tactics to gain control of the abused spouse, including threats, humiliation, physical abuse, emotional torment, stalking, and financial abuse. People outside the relationship may perceive the relationship as healthy and normal, with some abusive spouses being very skilled at building trust and friendliness in people outside the relationship. Even abusive spouses are often able to turn their behavior on a dime; they might be beating their abused spouse in one moment and calmly answering a cop’s door in the next.
Abusive spouses often try to isolate their spouses. Isolation makes abused spouses feel like they have no one to turn to for help, and it also deprives them of the opportunity to see normal relationships. Abused spouses may believe that they deserve to be abused, that their partners’ behavior is normal, and that there is nothing they can do to end the abuse. They often become emotionally withdrawn and shy, but will not complain about their abuse and will excuse or cover up the abusive behaviors.
Some examples of spousal abuse include: economic abuse, in which one spouse tightly controls another’s finances; stalking, where an abusive spouse constantly monitors a partner; spousal rape and other forms of sexual abuse; threats to family, friends or pets; emotional humiliation; physical abuse; and verbal abuse such as shouting. Victims of spousal abuse may be targeted with different forms of abuse, accompanied by lessons and reminders that the abused spouse deserves it, that it is the abusive spouse’s property, and that they should not seek help.
One of the major problems with spousal abuse is that it follows a cycle. A spouse in a relationship who is consistently abusive may find it easier to escape, as he or she recognizes that constant abuse is not normal or acceptable. However, abusive spouses usually alternate between abusive and loving behaviors. An abusive spouse who pushes a partner down a flight of stairs, for example, might present the partner with flowers and an apology the next day, leading the abused partner to stay in the relationship because they believe the abusive spouse is remorseful and have ” reformed”. Abusive spouses are also highly emotionally manipulative, making them difficult to deal with or escape.
Extricating someone from a situation where they are experiencing abuse from their spouse or partner can be difficult. The abused partner may need assistance ranging from psychotherapy to deal with the abuse to temporary accommodation, and the situation can become extremely complex. Parents may fear that child custody will be awarded to the abusive spouse, that they will not be able to find housing with a pet, that they will be condemned by family members, or that they may face a variety of other consequences that make it difficult physically, logistically and emotionally leave an abusive relationship.
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