Baby shower etiquette includes celebrating the upcoming birth, not asking for gifts or money. Hosts should plan games and food, and guests should bring small gifts. It’s important to be considerate of those who have experienced pregnancy loss. Thank-you notes should be sent after the event.
The rules of etiquette for the bashower are similar to those of general etiquette, but there are some special considerations related to a bashower that are important to think about and be aware of. The key thing to remember about a bashower is that the goal of the event is to celebrate an upcoming birth, not to ask for money and gifts, even though it is traditional bashower etiquette to bring gifts to a bashower and hold a gift at the Opening Ceremony.
Usually, a bashower is held only for a couple’s first child, who may be biological or adopted. Some people like to have a shower for every baby, which is certainly acceptable, but showers after the first birth should be free. Traditionally, the host is a friend of the expecting couple, rather than a family member, and the bashower may be held at the friend’s home, the couple’s home, or a rented facility. Baby showers can be held before and after the birth and usually include party favors and games for guests, along with food.
While bashower etiquette emphasizes that bashowers aren’t meant to be begging parties, many expectant couples really appreciate baby-related gifts, such as diaper service subscriptions, cribs, strollers, diapers, onesies, bottles, teething rings and other supplies. It has become common for the mother to establish a gift registry so that guests can purchase things that the mother actually needs and will appreciate, and so that no duplicate items are purchased, but guests shouldn’t feel obligated to stick to the registry when choosing gifts. Asking for cash gifts or a “money tree” isn’t appropriate, even though people may choose to bring cash or shower gift cards.
Guests of a bashower must follow the guidelines set forth by the host in the invitation. Responsible Hosts will indicate the location and time of the bashower, along with whether or not to bring children or men to the shower. Guests should expect to stay for about two hours, and should be prepared with a small gift for the expectant mother, and in the case of expectant mothers with twins, it’s not necessary to buy a gift for each child. Guests should also expect to participate in games, many of which will have a baby-related theme, and to sit down while presents are being opened.
Hosts of a bashower should prepare invitations well in advance, making sure everyone is informed. It’s polite to send notes to distant relatives so they know about the event, even if they can’t attend. The host should plan at least three games that will include all guests, along with food and party favors. In some cases, multiple bashowers may be planned for the same woman, even if only one is required, and some people like to coordinate, organizing a joint bashower with colleagues and friends or others who want to celebrate the birth. It’s also perfectly acceptable to state “no gifts, please” on the invitation for a shower that won’t include gifts.
Pregnancy loss is a touchy subject in basshower etiquette. In the case of people who have recently experienced a pregnancy loss, receiving an invitation to a bashower can be very upsetting. Others are happy to attend baby showers and it would hurt if they were omitted from the guest list. Rather than making assumptions, a friend of the bereaved should be contacted to find out whether or not she would appreciate an invitation.
The guest of honor at a bashower should not be pushed about the child’s name, gender, or religious upbringing. After the party, a thank-you note should be sent to the host, expressing appreciation for arranging the bashower, and a thank-you note should be sent to all who attended, referring especially to the gifts that were given. Wise hosts may want to enlist a family member such as a husband to write down everyone’s name and make notes on who gave what gift, to make this part of bashower etiquette easier.
Guests of honor would do well to remember that every gift calls for an equal expression of delight, no matter how strange or unpalatable it may seem.
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