What’s the Cinderella complex?

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The Cinderella complex is used loosely to describe fear of independence in women. It is based on the idea that many women don’t believe they can take care of themselves, but instead need a male figure to take care of them. They see themselves as princesses waiting for a prince to come to their rescue. Women suffering from this complex often end up staying in abusive or dysfunctional relationships out of fear of being alone and feelings of low self-worth.

A New York therapist named Collette Dowling is believed to be the first psychologist to use the term “Cinderella complex”, in her book of the same name. In this best-selling book, Dowling outlines the symptoms of the complex and some of the pathways to help women learn to overcome the fear of being alone. Most doctors believe that women who suffer from this complex usually have other deep emotional issues such as low self-esteem and addiction issues.

Some women who suffer from the Cinderella complex are unable to accept men into their lives in a healthy way. Rather than seeing them as normally flawed individuals, they often idolize them. This type of idolatry often leads to unrealistic and impossible-to-fulfill expectations. A woman with these unrealistic expectations may be emotionally hurt by behaviors that other women would not consider unexpected or upsetting. For example, a woman suffering from a Cinderella complex may view being late for a date as a complete rejection, while other women may simply be annoyed.

For women suffering from Cinderella-type complexes, addiction and low self-esteem appear to be the root causes of the problem. Most psychologists believe that in many cases addiction problems can stem from overly protective parents. Indeed, these parents may have escalated normal protective behavior into abusive control, in some cases even punishing the child for showing signs of independence. It is also thought likely that women suffering from this complex were socially humiliated during their formative years, often causing low self-esteem.

Treatment for Cinderella complex typically involves therapy to both improve self-esteem and address addiction issues. In many cases, this treatment can be long-term, as patients are so addicted that they may find it difficult to walk away from therapy. Sometimes their addiction to men is replaced by their addiction to therapy. In many cases, patients do well in group therapy sessions because it allows them to see their problems from the outside, sometimes leading them to see their problems more realistically.

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