Playing hard to get is a relationship tactic used by both men and women to appear more seductive and selective. It can work as a screening device or integrity test, but ultimately, mutual attraction needs to be proven. The game has its place in dating, but once it’s up, new relationships thrive on access and openness.
As with many activities in life, the thrill of the dating game is often in the hunt, not the catch. The destination may be intriguing, but it’s the journey that keeps the level of interest high. This is the basis of hard-to-get play, a relationship tactic in which the pursuer deliberately holds off the pursuer in an effort to appear more seductive and selective. Playing hard to get is not the same as being hard to get, although the unfortunate victim of love may not realize it at the time.
Both men and women play a variation of this game while actively dating. Many men are taught to stay aloof whenever a woman flirts or shows definite interest. When a man plays hard to get, it’s often a test to see how serious a woman is about him. If she doesn’t return her phone calls for a few days but she keeps calling, she knows that she’s still interested in him as a potential date. Even men do it to appear more confident and intriguing. Many women would rather work on a committed relationship than settle for a man who is always available.
Women sometimes play hard to get as a screening device, especially when meeting more than one suitor at a time. Each man can go home with his personal telephone number, but she determines which calls he will return to and when. One thing many dating-age women want to avoid is the appearance of desperation. By being less approachable, a woman establishes a sense of mystery about herself. If she returns all the phone calls from her suitors the next day, she might seem too anxious and too needy.
Playing hard can backfire if taken beyond a natural stopping point. The game isn’t called impossible to find, after all. Sooner or later, the pursuer and the pursued have to either move on with their relationship or agree to drop the whole cat-and-mouse routine.
Using this tactic can work as a screening device or integrity test, but ultimately, an interested suitor needs some proof of mutual attraction. At some point, the chase, as exciting as it may have been, has to become the beginning of a new romantic relationship. Playing hard has its place in the dating scene, but once the game is up, it’s over. New relationships thrive on access and openness, not mixed signals.
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