Pronoun play is a verbal tactic used by LGBT individuals to hide their sexual orientation, often due to fear of discrimination or family alienation. It involves avoiding gender-specific pronouns and using neutral language, which can be mentally tiring and affect communication skills and work performance. Some substitute opposite-sex pronouns, but this is sometimes seen as a denial of their true selves.
Pronoun play is a type of verbal tactic that gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) people sometimes use to intentionally hide their sexual orientation from others who they feel cannot readily accept it. This type of neutral language deliberately avoids the use of gender-specific pronouns such as “he,” “she,” “him,” or “her” when referring to a significant other of the same gender. Many substitute the plural “they” or “them” for one of these singular pronouns. Others, particularly in the transgender community, adopt alternative gender-neutral pronouns such as “hir” or “xee,” although these terms may call further attention to the absence of gender-specific language.
The practice of starting sentences with phrases like “My significant other and I” or “My significant other and I” is a common part of the pronoun game when referring to oneself as part of a same-sex couple. Some gay men and lesbian women substitute the opposite-sex pronoun when referring to their same-sex partner, although this option is sometimes derided within the LGBT community as an endorsement of discrimination. It is also often seen as a denial of the true self by the speaker.
The reasons for playing the pronoun game often center around the fear of job loss among many LGBT people, and adopting this sometimes convoluted language can become mentally tiring over a longer period of time. The need to be vigilant about preventing a gender-specific pronoun from falling into a revealing sentence is usually a distraction from the topic of conversation. This factor can sometimes give the listener the wrong impression that the speaker has poor communication skills. LGBT players of the pronoun game also tend to share as little of their personal lives as possible with their co-workers, which can lead to increased feelings of alienation. It can even lead to reduced performance in work environments where camaraderie and teamwork are important parts of the job.
Fear of family alienation is another common reason for pronoun play in speech. Avoiding a gender-specific pronoun is a frequent practice when answering questions from curious family members about a same-sex partner who is not present at the time. Some LGBT people use this language model as a precursor to telling their families the truth about their orientation. The development of this pronoun usage is also an interesting feature of English and some other languages that lack a gender-neutral universal pronoun.
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