Mourning without rights?

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Disenfranchised grief describes grief over a loss that cannot be expressed due to social concepts, prejudices, or simple misunderstandings. It can occur when you lose a loved one or relationship that you generally didn’t know about, or when the loss occurred in an unusual way. Many psychologists agree on the importance of openly grieving and seeking support when going through a period of mourning; If a person is grieving in private, they may want to seek professional help when loved ones can’t or won’t listen or understand.

Abortion and miscarriage are two common situations that can cause grief without rights. It may incorrectly be assumed that women who have abortions do not feel upset or sad about the situation, or may encounter a frank lack of sympathy from those who disagree with abortion in general. In a miscarriage, the woman who lost her baby can be expected to move on quickly, as the baby was not yet born. Men involved in both situations are often totally overlooked, their feelings of loss or grief are assumed to be minor since they weren’t actually carrying the child.

Private grief can occur over the loss of a person or relationship that has not been approved by the bereaved party’s family and friends. In an intolerant climate, a bereaved person may not have an outlet to express grief over the gay partner who his family disapproved of, the second spouse the children never liked, or even the extramarital partner who was never disclosed. In these situations, it becomes important to seek help elsewhere, such as from a therapist or anonymous online support group. Generally the last thing a bereaved person needs is a reminder from friends or family that they are alone in grief.

Another possible cause of disenfranchised grief is when the bereaved person is criticized for crying too long or attacked for having a negative attitude. Some popular social strategies are based on the idea of ​​a stiff upper lip and a positive attitude, which can lead to judgment or impatience with people who refuse to stop feeling sad or grieving. Most experts agree that each person grieves in their own way and that there is no psychologically “right” amount of time to grieve a loss. Furthermore, pushing away true emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness can cause the grieving process to be lengthened, as the bereaved person does not have a secure emotional outlet for these feelings and may repress them.

One wonderful thing about our world is that generally there are people out there somewhere who will validate and sympathize with almost any kind of pain. A simple internet search of bereavement support groups turns up thousands of message boards and forums that welcome people coping with nearly any type of loss. If a circle of friends and family doesn’t offer support or sympathy, it’s important to find other resources to deal with grief without rights. Support groups and grief counselors can be great outlets for grief that can’t be expressed otherwise.

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