What’s ambivalence?

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Ambivalence is generally defined as having mixed or uncertain feelings. More specifically, the term can refer to having both positive and negative feelings. Also, it is used in psychology to describe simultaneous positive and negative feelings towards the same object, which could be a person, thing or concept. The causes of ambivalence are varied, as are the ways of dealing with conflicting emotions and ideas.

Many people experience ambivalence as it is usually defined. Both minor events, such as watching television, and major events, such as seeing a child go to college, can produce mixed feelings. Someone might be impressed by the special effects used in an episode of a TV show, but also find the plot lacking in originality. Parents of college freshmen may feel proud of their son or daughter’s academic success and worry about how he or she will adjust to college life.

In addition to major and minor life events, longings or unfulfilled longings, nostalgia and touching moments can cause mixed feelings. Someone with a lifelong dream of becoming a famous rock musician may enjoy composing songs and performing them at local venues. When that person fails to achieve the fame he seeks, however, the positive feelings of making music can mix with negative feelings of frustration or resignation.

Contrary to its common usage, people who experience ambivalence as defined by psychology are often unaware that they have more than one set of feelings for the same object. One set of feelings is repressed in the subconscious, allowing the rest of the positive or negative feelings to dominate. For example, a bachelor who is unhappy with his marital status may only consciously feel happiness at his younger brother’s wedding, but he may also unconsciously experience feelings of sadness or envy. While everyone can experience this type of ambivalence from time to time, it is a common feature in many psychological disorders, including anxiety, depression, and phobias.

Numerous psychological theories focus on how individuals handle ambivalence and change decisions and behavior because of it. Cognitive dissonance theory, first introduced by Leon Festinger, proposes that people are driven to reduce or resolve dissonance, which arises when there are conflicting ideas about the same subject. Dissonance is often induced by the perception of a discrepancy between attitudes and behaviors. For example, a person might believe they are charitable but refuse to give money to a beggar. To resolve the dissonance, she will change her subsequent attitude or behavior, or try to justify to herself why she refused to be charitable in this particular case.

Another psychological theory that relates to how people process ambivalence is Kurt Lewin’s analysis of patterns of conflict resolution in response to desirable and undesirable goals. Patterns recognized by Lewin include approach-to-approach, in which two desirable goals are in conflict; avoidance-avoidance, where two undesirable goals are in conflict; and approach-avoidance, where the same goal has both desirable and undesirable qualities. The last model is typical of conflict resolution when a subject is experiencing ambivalence.

Despite the uncomfortable feelings it can produce, there is evidence that dealing with ambivalence can also have beneficial effects. The ability to tolerate mixed feelings and cognitive dissonance appears to encourage creative abilities and also increases resilience, an adaptive response to stress. Many factors can influence a person’s ability to tolerate ambivalence, including cultural background, lifestyle complexity, and social status.

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