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Funeral etiquette varies across cultures and religions. Attendees are expected to dress modestly, behave respectfully, greet mourners, and send flowers and cards. Specific rules surround behavior in certain situations, and close friends may offer assistance. Bereaved persons should send thank-you notes and greet guests politely during visiting hours.
Funeral etiquette is a set of etiquette guidelines that specifically pertain to funerals and other burial rituals. It’s important to remember that funeral etiquette varies across cultures and religions, and no one set of rules can govern how to behave at any single funeral around the world. For people attending a funeral for someone who comes from a different cultural or religious background, it is wise to seek advice on how to behave from someone who is knowledgeable.
Most of the rules of funeral etiquette are simply common sense. Attendees at a funeral, wake, memorial, or any ceremony held to honor the life of someone who has passed away are expected to dress modestly and simply, behave respectfully, and greet the mourners. A traditional greeting includes a brief expression of sympathy. Sending flowers and cards to mourners is also traditional.
Some rules of funeral etiquette surround behavior in specific situations. If a family holds a wake or home visiting time, people are expected to drop by briefly to express their condolences and perhaps share a memento of the deceased, and bringing a gift of food is common in many cultures, so that the family does not have to cook. People are expected to speak quietly during visiting hours and listen carefully when others speak.
At a funeral, attendees remain silent unless called to speak or sing with the rest of the congregation. Individuals who are invited to serve as pallbearers or to give a eulogy may receive additional guidance from the officiant. Small children may be admitted, as long as they can remain silent for the ceremony.
Close friends of the bereaved may offer additional assistance as per the rules of funeral etiquette, such as volunteering to help with the ceremony, or assistance in organizing, picking up relatives, driving people to the funeral, and so on. Assistance should not be offered unless the offer is genuine and people should be aware that their offers can be politely declined.
Bereaved persons are also required to abide by certain rules of etiquette. It is traditional to send thank-you notes to people who sent postcards, flowers, and other gifts, and to people who attended the funeral, including the officiant, funeral home staff, and so on. During visiting hours, it is polite to greet guests and express appreciation for their visit, although mourners are not expected to act as guests.
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