Arranging a funeral is a difficult task, but it’s important to seek help from friends, family, or clergy. Choosing a funeral home, notifying loved ones, and planning traditional rituals are all part of the process. It’s important to compare prices and ask for an itemized bill. Writing an obituary and holding a wake or public meal are optional. Remember that funerals are for the living and can serve as a catharsis for those who are grieving.
Arranging the funeral is one of the most unpleasant tasks you will ever have to deal with. You’re probably shocked at the loss of a loved one, but you’re forced to deal with the myriad complexities that go into saying goodbye. The best thing you can do right now is not shoulder the burden yourself. Don’t hesitate to call on relatives, friends, or even clergy in your hour of grief. The task will still be stressful, but with others by your side it can be manageable.
Ideally, the deceased person has already planned their funeral, having chosen a funeral home, chosen a coffin or cremation services, selected music, and specified whether to inform people they should donate to a favored cause or organization instead of flowers. This rarely happens, as most people don’t like to think about their own mortality while alive. After they release this mortal coil, of course, it’s too late. If so, it’s up to you to plan the kind of funeral you think your loved one would have wanted.
Start by choosing a funeral home. Mortuaries tend to be a bit of a one-stop shopping experience for funeral arrangements, usually selling cremation caskets and services, printing funeral announcements, providing a time, place and date for the service, providing transportation to a graveyard and making sure everything runs as smoothly as possible. The last thing you might want to do right now is shop around and compare prices, but you should. All funeral homes and all funeral arrangements are not created equal and one could easily go into debt to pay for a funeral. Tell the funeral director that you will be checking prices at other morgues, as it is common practice in the funeral industry to initially attempt to charge a bereaved individual.
One of the worst parts of funeral arrangements is calling family members and breaking the news to them. Again, recruit help for this. There are some phone calls you’ll want to make yourself, such as to immediate family and close relatives who may be upset, but friends can also help convey the unhappy message. Remember that you are also in pain and can only handle so much on your own.
If the deceased belonged to a certain religion, you’ll want to make sure any traditional rituals are recognized. This can be done after conferring with a priest and notifying the funeral home you ultimately selected. The service can be held in a house of worship or in the funeral home itself. At the same time, you discuss things like flowers and music with the undertaker. As cold as that sounds, be sure to ask for an itemized bill.
Either you, or someone close to the deceased, will need to write an obituary and have it published in local papers. News of a death travels fast, but many people will still be unaware of the time and date of a funeral if they don’t see it in a newspaper. You might choose to pay a visit the night before the funeral, or a wake or public meal afterward. These choices are totally up to you, they depend on your beliefs and your customs.
Even if you’re planning these funerals to say your last goodbyes to a loved one, it’s good to keep in mind that funerals are for the living. Arranging the funeral can go some way to serving as a catharsis for those who are grieving, as it is the last kind act you will perform for a family member or good friend. Just remember not to get overwhelmed and keep in mind that life does go on.
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