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Pain and anger: what’s the link?

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Grief and anger are interconnected, with anger being one of the stages of grief. Illness or disability can cause feelings of loss of control, grief, and anger. Denial can occur before feelings of hurt and anger arise, and if not expressed, can lead to depression. Grief counseling can help people cope with loss and understand their emotions. Negotiation behavior often follows a period of grief and anger, leading to acceptance of the situation.

Grief and anger have a strong and interconnected relationship. Anger is considered one of the stages of the grieving process. Other commonly cited stages of grief include denial, depression, and bargaining behavior. Accepting the loss is considered the last stage of grief and the beginning of healing from the loss. Anger often stems from feelings of resentment due to grief over the death of a loved one, divorce, job loss, or health crisis.

Deterioration in one’s health caused by a disease such as cancer can cause pain reactions in many people. Feelings of loss of control, grief, and anger often occur in those who have been diagnosed with an illness, as one may wonder why such a horrific illness could strike them. A person who becomes disabled due to an illness or accident, such as having to be in a wheelchair, may also become angry and grieving for the physically active person they once were before they can accept their new situation.

Denial that you have a life-changing illness or disability can occur before feelings of hurt and anger arise. Even if someone dies or if a person gets divorced, it can take some time to fully realize that the missing person is indeed missing. When reality arises, it can bring out pain and anger due to awareness and mourning for the lost relationship. For example, when a spouse dies or files for divorce, the remaining ex partner may feel angry at being left alone and at the same time grieving the loss.

If sadness and angry feelings are turned inward rather than expressed, depression can result. Bereavement counseling can help people coping with any kind of significant loss express their anger and other emotions to help them recover. Grief counselors are trained to recognize the different stages of grief, including anger; they can help people who are grieving a loss to better understand themselves and their emotions.

Negotiation behavior often follows a period of grief and anger in recovering from loss. People can pray to reverse the loss if they could give up something else in their life instead. After realizing that the loss is here to stay and needs to be dealt with, acceptance of the situation often begins to ensue. The types of bargaining prayer can then change to prayer for the ability to better cope with loss.

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