Active listening is a structured way of having a conversation where the goal is to truly hear the other person’s communications. It involves giving signs of continued focus, asking questions, and withholding judgement. It can be used in various settings, such as mediation and counseling, and demonstrates respect for others’ communications. It is not necessary to do it all the time, but it can be extremely helpful in creating better communication.
In conversations between two or more people it is often assumed that one person speaking means that the others are listening. Sadly, this isn’t the truth in a variety of situations. People can be distracted by the voices of others, their own thoughts, making a plan of what to say next, or many other variables. Active listening is a type of structured way of having a conversation, especially between two people, where the goal is to truly hear the other person’s communications. It is a conversation model used in many contexts.
The easiest way to understand active listening is to think of it in a one-on-one conversation model. As one person speaks, the other listens, and does so with great attention to the speaker. The listener gives signs of continued focus, such as nodding in agreement, occasionally saying “uh-huh” or “yes,” and tries to withhold any personal reactions that might occur if the experience elicits negative or difficult emotions. The goal remains to stay focused on what the speaker is trying to convey while withholding judgement.
There is a place to speak in an active listening model. Listeners can encourage the flow of conversation by asking the speaker questions or by paraphrasing part of what the speaker said. This helps the speaker reflect on their words and either clarify, retract or continue with more detail to explain the issue at hand.
Consider this model in a classroom with many potential active listeners trained on the teacher. While the teacher is lecturing, the students may or may not mean they are listening. Some show great interest and improve the lesson by asking for examples or clarifying with the teacher what she is saying through questions. The student’s interest in wanting to know more is an example of active listening, because the student is intent on the teacher’s words, striving to understand, and not as the more passive listener might be, only partly occupied with it that the teacher might say (or asleep in the back of the classroom).
This type of focus can be exercised in a number of settings. It can occur in mediation where people have to solve an issue together. It is a technique that is used by counselors with counselors and can be taught by counselors to clients, especially in family or marriage therapy. Learning to do this may seem a bit limited at first, since it runs counter to many bad communication habits that people have evolved that may have led them to counseling or mediation in the first place. However it is a skill worth having because it demonstrates respect and value for the communications of others.
Learning to do active listening doesn’t mean that people have to do it all the time, which can be exhausting. A person shouldn’t paraphrase a short statement from a friend, such as “It’ll be sunny” with, “So you’re saying you think it will be sunny.” That would get a little absurd. However, in the right context, when communications are very important, active listening can prove extremely helpful in creating better communication.
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